Do Not Waste Your Money on This ‘Vaginal Teabag’ Detox
No matter what’s going on in your nether regions, jamming an herbal teabag up there for three days probably isn’t a good idea.
But that hasn’t stopped a retailer called Embrace Pangaea from selling “womb detox pearls” — oddly sperm-shaped satchels that you’re supposed to insert like a tampon. They reportedly treat everything from ovarian cysts to yeast infections. One set even claims to tighten your vagina. And yes, thanks to our current mania for anything artisanal, DIY, and health-centric, people are falling for it and dropping serious bucks on these things.
Here’s how it works: the bags are full of special herbs and you’re supposed to insert them into your vagina for three or more days at a time. Then, your vag will start to expel some seriously funky discharge, which creates the illusion that some sort of germ-y badness is leaving your body. Some particularly insane Embrace Pangaea customers have actually sent in some funky-ass photos of their own discharge (click those links at your own risk…).
It’s tough to tell what’s worse: the health risks associated with using a product like this or the hefty $75-to-$480 price tag for a set. Because here’s the thing: your vagina cleans itself. Just like douching, these teabag detoxes are pointless.
If that sounds familiar, it might be because we’ve already gone over why juice cleanse-type detoxes are also unnecessary. And it turns out a vaginal detox is even more pointless.
In fact, there’s one crucial difference between juice cleanses and vaginal detox: a juice cleanse can’t give you toxic shock syndrome, but jamming a “teabag” inside your junk and leaving it for three days very well could.
Mic’s Nicolas DiDomizio dug into the health risks associated with these dubious products. Here’s what one of them had to say:
San Francisco gynecologist Jen Gunter wrote on her blog Tuesday that “the vagina is a self-cleaning oven” and “leaving a bag of anything in [it] for 3 days is dangerous and smelly.” She also mentions that the pearls create a risk for toxic shock syndrome, a mix of bacterial infections that could actually be life-threatening.
What about all that super-photogenic vaginal discharge? She says it’s basically an illusion like we suspected:
“The vagina makes excess discharge when there is A) irritation B) infection C) an absence of good bacteria,” she wrote. “This discharge isn’t some toxic swill that the vagina was hiding that only the ‘pearls’ could release, it’s a sign that these ‘pearls’ are damaging.”
So don’t waste your money on this product. If you think there’s something up with your vaginal health, please head to a doctor or take a page out of Jennifer Lawrence’s book by using your local Planned Parenthood clinic.
And if you’re just insecure about your “freshness” or something along those lines, it’s probably all in your head. Chill out and read a few confidence-boosting tips from a sex therapist. You’ll be proud of your body in no time.