15 Horrible Pieces of Puberty Advice Straight From Moms
Puberty is a scarring time for everybody.
Sure, girls didn’t have to deal with their private parts randomly creating tents in their pants or wet dreams, but they still have it rough.
Some of these woes are exacerbated by the fact that moms (and parents in general) give horrible advice when it comes to S-E-X and puberty. Not to mention those random things your mom said in passing that ended up scarring you for life.
We asked our readers to dish the most ridic things they remember their moms telling them during the awkward years that we all want to forget.
1. I Bet You Were Really Popular
“My mom told me that because sex sometimes hurts for me, I should just give a lot of head.” – Olivia
2. This One Time At Band Camp
“My mom told me if I kept playing the trumpet, my lips would get too puffy and boys won’t want to kiss me, this was in sixth grade. I think she wanted me to play sports instead because after sixth grade you had to join the actual school band.” – Sam
3. That’s a Spicy Meatball
“My mom demonstrated how female reproductive organs work in the middle of an Italian restaurant by using two straws for Fallopian tubes and a cup as the uterus.” – Kendall
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4. No Pool Parties For You
“My mom told me that tampons without the applicators were easier to use so I didn’t end up using tampons until high school because I thought I was the problem.” – Colette
5. Too Scarring To Not Include
“Does it have to be my mom? Because my dad once asked if the doctor had the big ‘S’ talk with me and when I said no, he said (and I quote), ‘As your dad, it’s my job to guide you through the forest of erections.'” – Paige
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6. Didn’t Need That Visual
“My mother scars me everyday with too much info on her sex life, where do I start? In the fifth grade when I was talking to my mom in her closet, a bag of sex toys fell off the shelf so she had to explain to me what they were. The funniest sex advice I ever got was from my grandma, she told me to ‘save anal’ for my third year of marriage to ‘spice things up.'” – Amber
7. Not Sexual, But Still Sad
“This has nothing to do with sex, but in order to get me to not eat fast food she had me convinced that Taco Bell and McDonald’s used kangaroo meat.” – Christina
“My mom told me the sex with my dad was never that great, but sex with her new boyfriend is way better in case anyone was concerned.” – Izzy
9. She’s Not Wrong
“My mom told me not to cuddle with boys because it would definitely make them hard and make them want to have sex with me.” – Rosie
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10. That’s a Different Type of Star
“My mom used to tell me that children were made from stars in the sky, but then in the fourth grade my friend showed me porn. I was in such shock. A few days later her mom called my family and told them she saw what we had watched from her browser history. I hid under my bed so embarrassed as my mom tried to explain sex to me.” – Julia
11. Good Thing Bras Aren’t Cool Anymore
“I was a flat-chested little tween, but I really wanted a training bra because I thought they were cool. One afternoon I finally worked up the courage to ask my mom if she could buy me one, and by ask I mean I sheepishly held out that American Girl Doll book with my thumb on a picture of a cartoon teen in a training bra and tried to meet her eyes. Much to my horror, she said she didn’t think I needed to buy one and I was so mortified I never wanted to talk to her about anything puberty-related again.” – Maria
“My mom once told me and my friend that if we weren’t having the best sex of our lives right now something’s wrong. Pretty sure we were 19 at the time.” – Marisa
13. This One Speaks For Itself
“This girl from my class kept texting me that she had a crush on me and one day she locked me in the coat closet and tried to kiss me. I was so distraught and my mom told me to tell her, ‘no licky, I like dicky.’ It made no sense to me at 13, but I said it to the girl and she never spoke to me again.” – Dana
14. Did Only Half The Girls Bully You From Then On?
“My mom wouldn’t let me shave my legs in fourth grade because she said I was too young. Older girls started bullying me about it and I told my mom. She said to just ignore them, which is actually not viable advice. So I snuck one of my dad’s razors into the shower and shaved one leg and one arm, then got nervous and stopped, so I was just half hairy. I didn’t shave again until I had her blessing and some girl razors.” – Molly
15. Your Kotex Comes With a 401k
“I got my period before anyone else in my class at age 11. My mom very solemnly told me, ‘You’re a woman now.’ She meant it to be some kind of milestone, I guess, but it scared the crap out of me. Like, did that mean I had to get a job and wasn’t allowed to do kid things anymore? I think I ended up crying for like three hours.” – Lauren