11 Halloween Costumes That Will Ward Off F*ckboys
Halloween is basically a free for all. College guys throw on football jerseys and try to fuck as many French maids as possible, and non college guys buy some shit of Amazon and try to act like they’re still in college.
But while you plan your Halloween costume this year, you’re probably thinking, “what can I wear that will discourage guys from grabbing my ass, asking for my number, and buying me drinks? Last year I was a Whoopee cushion and almost got sexually assaulted, and the year before I was Hulk Hogan and got proposed to!”
Well, there aren’t many costumes that will deter a dude from trying to fuck you. I mean seriously, you could dress as a baby or a mental patient and still get stalked. But there are a few golden winners that’ll def minimize fuckboys approaching you.
Here’s the thing: fuckboys are super intimidated by women who are smart and powerful. Throw a pantsuit in there and you’ve got the ultimate boner killer! Here are our fave costumes to deter any potential fuckboy suitors.
1. Hillary Clinton
2. Whoopi Goldberg
Not only will Whoopi Goldberg probs call out douchey frat bros for their shitty jokes, she’s one of few actresses who has won Emmy Award, a Grammy Award, an Oscar, and a Tony Award. Whoa! That’s way too much success to be sexy.
3. Susan B. Anthony
Susan B. Anthony was one the the key founders of the women’s right movement, which means that she basically started this whole “feminism” thing that is still scaring the shit out of guys to this day!
4. Jane Austen
The only thing scarier than telling fuckboys you know how to read is telling them that you like to read about romance. Yuck!
5. Margaret Thatcher
Remember that scene in Austin Powers when he tries to calm down his horniness by repeating “Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day”? Yeah, enough said.
6. Eleanor Roosevelt
If Eleanor Roosevelt was alive today, she’d be Hillary Clinton. And we all know how excited dudes get about Hillary Clinton…
7. Lena Dunham
Not much needs to be said about Lena, but the fact that she’s the first woman fuckboys think of when they use the term “feminazi” is a good start.
8. Bella Abzug
Bella Abzug was nick-named “Battling Bella,” and not in a hot cat-fight way, in a way where she was a leader of the women’s rights movement on top of being a lawyer and US Representative. Major turn-off.
9. Betty Friedan
Betty Friedan was known for liberating housewives and showing women it was actually okay to be unfulfilled with a life of raising kids. Talk about a boner killer!
10. Condoleezza Rice
Donald Trump called Condoleezza a bitch, and she actually clapped back by saying “can’t wait until November 9th.” If that doesn’t turn a fuckboy off, the fact that she’s one of the most powerful women in politics sure will.
11. A Bride
It doesn’t matter if you’re the sexiest bride out there, the idea of marriage will take a guys mind from copulating to commitment just like that. If you really want to get into character, write up some vows and start reciting them when guys try to talk to you.