6 Ways To Score Better Matches On Dating Apps
Girls don’t have problems on dating apps. All we have to do is make a profile, swipe on some dudes, look pretty, and watch the matches flow in. We don’t necessarily have a problem with quantity, it’s quality that seems to be a problem.
After going on an endless amount of dates and having thousands of meaningless conversations with dudes who are all starting to look the same, you’re probably wondering if you should just quit dating apps altogether. The solution isn’t to date more, it’s to date smarter.
We spoke to Julie Ferman, a matchmaker who has been in the business for 23 years and is personally responsible for over 1,100 marriages, about how to work dating apps to your advantage so that you can stop wasting time and start feeling butterflies.
1. Stop Trying To Be Everyone’s Favorite
When using dating apps, it can be tempting to try to be everyone’s idea of perfect. But, after choosing photos of you in “normal” outfits and limiting your bio to your age and career, you end up looking like every other girl on Tinder (or your dating app of choice).
“Reveal more about the real you in the space afforded to you on the app. Keep changing it up to see what happens,” suggests Ferman.
Although getting super specific and personal may garner you less matches, it will garner you more matches who are super into you. For example, if you hide your tattoos in your photos because you’re worried about turning someone off, you may get more matches. But, if you show your awesome back-piece you will likely attract guys who share your passion for body art and will be super stoked to find a chick like you. Why would you want to hide your true self from guys who could be your next boyfriend? Not to mention that the more specifics you include in your profile, the more you’ll have to talk about with your matches (rather than the same old ‘where do you work? where are from? what part of town do you live in?’).
2. Don’t Be Shallow
It’s easy to get wrapped up in swipe-happy dating apps and think we’re casting America’s Next Top Model rather than finding a date for next week. While initial physical attraction is important, in real life we tend to fall for people based on their personalities rather than their looks.
“Women can and do develop romantic attraction over time, much more readily than men do. So, for a woman to dismiss a man casually based solely on her first impression of his looks is dangerous for women. Women are wise to look deeper than just his looks.”
Instead of swiping left based on his six pack, try to pay more attention to information they give out (if they give any out). Although Tinder can be sparse on information besides photos, their new Instagram linking feature can at least give you a little insight into what your potential boo does with his free time. If he mentions loving your favorite band but isn’t Justin Bieber’s doppleganger that you’re searching for? Still swipe right. The worst that could happen is that he’s a weirdo and you un-match him, but the best that could happen is that you have a ton in common and he turns out even to be cuter in person!
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Make The First Move
We’ve all been there. You’ve got ten matches flooding your inbox, while you’re patiently waiting for the cute lawyer that you matched with 72 hours ago to message you. If you want to talk to him so badly, why don’t you just message him first? He clearly indicated interest by matching with you in the first place, so what do you have to lose? Moreover, recent statistics from OkCupid show that women who message first actually have a chance at scoring more desirable matches that they may not have spoken to otherwise.
4. Be Up Front With Your Motives
Bringing up “the talk” with a guy you’re seeing is horrific, so talking #relationshipgoals with a rando dating app dude may not be ideal either. But, Ferman advises that doing so will leave you with guys who want the same things as you (aka no fuckboys).
“She should always be upfront about why she’s there. Otherwise, she’ll attract all the wrong men. We call this ‘leading with your Primary Dating Purpose’ — so as to attract the RIGHT people and to repel the WRONG people.”
We’re not saying you should start your convo with “Hey, I’m Carena and I’m looking for a serious boyfriend,” but if the dude asks ‘why you on Tinder?’ don’t respond with ‘just for fun ;)’ if you’re looking for something more serious than a booty call. If you get the feeling that a dude is just looking for a hit it and quit it situation, don’t play into his game by pretending you are too in hopes of “changing him.”
5. Try a New App
Is Tinder giving you an anxiety attack? Is OkCupid surrounding you with middle-aged creeps? Try something new. Both men and women as of late have been raving about Bumble, and Julie Ferman agrees.
“I’ve been suggesting Bumble, to the women who haven’t enjoyed Tinder or Hinge, for example. Bumble puts women in the driver’s seat — which is a new twist, and it’s worth a try, I’d say.”
6. Stop Swiping
It can be easy (and fun) to endlessly swipe on Tinder as if there’s no tomorrow, rather than actually making conversation with previous matches. But, if you never actually make the move to meet in person, you’re never going to meet your match. If you find yourself with thousands of conversations but no set dates, limit yourself to a certain amount of swiping. Once you have a reasonable amount of matches, you can put your energy into developing connections and having good conversations with your current matches rather than looking for the next best thing.