You’ve Been Using Dating Apps Wrong This Whole Time

More than one-third of couples married in the U.S. from 2005-2012 met online.

Sounds pretty crazy right?

You can’t even find a guy to take you on a proper date via Tinder, while thousands of Americans are saying “I Do” shortly after swiping right.

So why is online dating not going as well for you as it is for the rest of America? Sure, there’s the fact that apps can give you too many options, making finding a match feel like work. There’s the superficiality of apps focusing on solely appearance. There’s also the fact that no matter how many filters you place on your profile, at the end of the day you don’t really know what you want.

In his article for The New York Times, Aziz Ansari argues a point that many people searching for their significant other via dating apps fail to realize: you’re not going to fall in love on a first date.

Sure, there’s the idea of “fireworks” or “sparks.” But, just like with most romantic movies, things are much easier on the big screen in 90 minutes than they are in real life. It’s hard to have sparks with someone when you’re talking about where you went to college or your favorite sports team. It’s even harder to find out if you have a connection with someone via text message banter and four profile pictures.

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Ansari argues that we should use vehicles such as Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel as an “introducing app” rather than a “dating app.” Instead of expecting for your Match.com date to be the love you’ve been waiting for, you should use it as a way to meet new people. Whereas you are used to meeting guys at a bar or work, when you exhaust these options it makes sense to turn to dating sites. These dating sites allow you to meet people that you could potentially be interested in, but there’s also a very good chance you might not be.

Just like you’re not going to want to date every guy you meet at Whole Foods, you’re not going to want to date every guy you meet online, and that’s completely normal.

However, it also doesn’t mean that you’re going to accurately be able to judge a guy based on one date over tapas and sangria.

If you don’t “have chemistry” with a guy on the first date, you shouldn’t rule him out as an option. As long as he’s not a stalker, an a**hole, or not into you, there’s no harm in going on a second date and seeing if getting to know him better gives you a different view on him (granted, he has to ask you on a  second date first).

We’re always looking for an easy solution for everything, from weight loss to making money. Dating apps might give you a headfirst dive into the “plenty of fish in the sea,” but it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to have to spend some time swimming first.

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