6 Tips For Public Sex That Won’t Get You Arrested
It’s officially spring time, and love (or lust) is in the air.
Instead of getting it on under an electric blanket watching Netflix, you and your partner are probably suddenly struck with spring frenzy of wanting to fuck in the pool, on the beach, or at your grandmother’s BBQ (sorry granny).
If you’re looking to spice up your sex life with some kinky semi-public sex, go you. However, it’s all fun and games until you suddenly have a sex offender charge on your record, which you could actually get if caught with your pants down by a police officer. That being said, be more careful about where and when you’re getting it on outside, because nothing kills a boner like a trip to the county jail.
1. Wear Something That Allows Easy Access
The ultimate goal is to be outside for as short a timeframe as possible so as to minimize your chance for indecent exposure. A romper may not be your best choice (no matter how cute it looks on you), because if you hear someone approach and need to make a quick getaway, there’s no way you’re getting a romper on quickly. Opt for a summery dress sans-bra or even a bikini if you’re at a beach-type establishment. Whatever you can get on and off quickly works best.
2. Choose Lonely Hours
Sex on the beach? Sure, but not at noon when the sun is shining and there are toddlers waddling around in water-proof diapers and floaties. The best time to try to do the dirty in public is obviously when it’s dark and the majority of non-sexing humans are sleeping.
3. Go Somewhere That’s Not Open Yet
This time of year is actually prime time to check off public sex off of your bucket list. Why? Because lots of warm weather attractions (i.e: pools, beaches, amusement parks) are not open or busy yet. Be careful that you don’t trespass on private property and therefore get yourself into trouble for that too, but some open area attractions (I once got it on at an outdoor mini-golf course) are perfect locations for when it’s not quite primetime season.
4. Consider Having Foreplay In Private
If you’re not the type of girl that gets off on quickies, consider engaging in foreplay inside (or in your car). Like previously stated, you want to be outside for as minimal time as possible. Also, depending on where you’re having sex, you may not want to lay down on the ground, and want to have standing up sex to avoid getting too dirty.
5. Survey The Area Prior To Fornication
If you don’t know the area that you’re getting boned in, you may walk out feeling good and two weeks later receive a summons based on security tapes that were found on location. Please do yourself a favor and make sure that there aren’t any video cameras in your new sex-hideout. Also, find a place with natural barriers (like a tree to hide behind or a wall) so that you’re not visible to outsiders from all directions.
6. Have Fun!
If I just freaked you out so much about getting arrested for doing it doggy style in public, then maybe hold off. There’s no way you’re going to have an orgasm if you’re mentally preparing for your indecent exposure arrest. As much as I wish America was a fun loving country that allowed horny humans like myself to get it on at the farmer’s market or a public park, it isn’t. When in doubt, hold off until you get back to a private spot.