The VMA After Party Was Even Lamer Than The Actual VMAs

Imagine having the opportunity to score access to a legit VMA After Party and mingle with the elite.

Sure, the VMAs weren’t that lit this year, and half of your fave celebs didn’t even make it to Madison Square Garden for the festivities, but surely the after party was popping, right? I mean, anywhere where Rihanna and alcohol is involved sounds like a great time.

Unfortunately, just like the actual VMAs, the after party fell flat and was overrated af. I know because I was there.

Okay, okay, I didn’t get invited to Drake’s private post-VMA dinner for Rihanna, but I did make it into Rihanna’s exclusive ass VMA party at Up and Down. Which isn’t too bad for someone who has no music credentials and roughly 2000 Instagram followers.

But the thing I quickly realized was that putting a bunch of famous people into a club doesn’t suddenly make it more lit or less claustrophobia-inducing. In fact, it worsens the latter.

As I barely squeaked my way into the upstairs of Up and Down and was shoved into a table of various rappers and their entourage, I felt like a sardine. A sardine whose tits were about to fall out of her dress and who felt way too awkward to reach over Ty Dolla Sign to get a drink, so instead awkwardly hovered on the outskirts of the table soberly until someone’s manager brought me a Red Bull and vodka.

The music was the same over-played shit you hear on the radio everyday (lots of Drake, so no complaints, but still), the drinks actually seemed to be flowing less than they normally would at an NYC night club, and it was ridiculously crowded. Every artist was trying to bring as many people from their crew as possible, and what that resulted in was way too many people at each table, which then resulted in everyone standing as still as possible for fear of accidentally spilling their drink on Jeremy Scott or Hailey Baldwin. And what kind of party is it if people can’t dance?

Half of the artists weren’t even actually turning up, and looked more like they were at the club for the sole purpose of remaining relevant rather than to actually enjoy themselves, which was a shame. I mean, what’s the point of partying with celebs if you don’t get to see them be ratchet and let loose like real people rather than Taylor Swift-constructed machines?

Sure, it was cool to catch a glimpse of Amber Rose as she walked into the club, and it was almost fun trying to decipher which Instagram model just passed by, but once you get over being star-struck, the VMAs after party was no cooler than any other old over-crowded, over-hyped, and overrated club in NYC.

But that one little smidgen of hope that you wind up standing next to Rihanna could be worth it, couldn’t it? Unfortunately, most celebs went to a roped off table as soon as they walked in. You could be one of the super fans charging celebs as they walked in the door while begging for a selfie, but that’s just not the best look when you’re trying to blend in, is it? Plus it’s also a great way to get kicked out completely.

Maybe the VMAs are going to have to change up their style, or maybe celebs just don’t party like they used to? Where are the Lindsay Lohans and Paris Hiltons of this generation? We need some famous party girls to make us feel better about our own drunk mistakes!

Gimme More POP

Do You Like?

Some things are only found on Facebook. Don't miss out.