The Taylor Swift Guide To Making Your Rebound Relationship Believable
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are in that phase where they want to show the world that their rebound relationship is totally real and not staged at all.
While this seems like a somewhat Herculean task, neither Taylor nor Tom will be deterred in their mission.
In fact, they’re so confident, they’re basically crafting their own manual called “The Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Guide To Making Your Rebound Relationship Seem Real.”
Let’s check out what they’ve come up with so far:
1. Adopt his style
As soon as Taylor Swift started dating Tom Hiddleston, she ditched her Hot Topic makeover and started wearing basic yellow dresses:
Taylor and Tom at the Colosseum in Rome, Italy! ♥ #TaylorSwift #TomHiddleston pic.twitter.com/qHob0TW5rL
— Jess KStew (@jess_kstewart) June 27, 2016
Matching quilted his and her jackets:
And padded push-up bras:
Because as classic movies like Grease have taught us, the only way to prove you’re really serious about your man is to change every single thing about you to better fit his aesthetic preferences.
2. Have him meet your parents immediately
A week and a half after the world caught their first glimpse of perfectly posed PDA between Taylor and Tom, Tay Tay flew Tommy boy down to Nashville to meet her parents.
While this is 2016, as you’re undoubtably aware, we live in the patriarchy, so sorry, your bae needs to ask your parents’ permission to keep dating you before his parents get the chance to say, “No, sorry, this one looks like a trollop” about you.
3. Then go meet his entire family all at once
Three days later, Taylor and Tom flew to England so that she could meet his entire family all at once, because that’s not overwhelming at all.
4. Spend the majority of your time on windswept beaches
Seriously, did their publicists just decide this was the one setting that makes both of them look equally attractive, or did Taylor just decide that she was going to take her summer romance very literally?
5. Hold hands at literally any opportunity you have
Seriously, so long as you’re in public, your hands need to practically be glued together, even when it’s physically inconvenient like when you’re supposed to be enjoying a nice dinner with your friends.
6. Tell everybody you meet that he could be the one, so the gossip starts spreading faster
It doesn’t matter how long you and your rebound boyfriend have been dating, the sooner you start telling everybody you know that he’s the one, the sooner people will stop believing that your relationship is a ploy designed to make your ex jealous.
For her part, a source undoubtably squad-level close with Taylor had confirmed that, “Taylor said she thinks he is the one, as odd and new as it sounds.”
7. Go on vacation together
So far in the brief time that they’ve been dating, Taylor and Tom have already been to Rhode Island, Nashville, England, and Italy.
As anybody who’s ever tried to make a rebound relationship seem like the real thing knows, this is crucial because vacationing with your boyfriend/girlfriend is generally seen as a more advanced “step” in attaining a “serious” relationship.
The sooner you can prove that you’re both capable of spending hours of alone time with each other without wanting to kill each other, the better your chances of seeming like the real deal are.
8. Dance like nobody’s watching, even though everybody totally is
Last week Taylor and Tom went to a Selena Gomez concert, where they danced like they wouldn’t be caught on a handful of fellow concert goer’s Snapchats, while of course knowing that they totally would.
Remember, the less it looks like you’re trying to broadcast your love to the world, the more real it looks from an outside perspective.
9. Have him meet your friends
Doesn’t he look thrilled to be there?
10. Document your every waking move
And if you don’t want to take them yourselves, just call up the paparazzi and have them do it for you!
11. Go out to dinner and don’t eat a single bite
Or at least, don’t get photographed eating a single bite because then websites will run stories the next day about how you two were too in love to eat a single bite, and that’s the best king of publicity a rebound relationship can get.
Full disclosure, is anybody ever that much in love?
12. Make your ex take photos of himself in his underwear and post them online
Your ex needs to know that he’s not the only person in the world with a six-pack, kay?
13. Refuse to acknowledge anything your ex says ever again because that’s how over it you are.
Calvin Harris can run his mouth on Instagram all he wants about Taylor, but baby girl was done with him the second she retweeted his statement that the two of them were dunzo but still had “a huge amount of love and respect for each other.”
If you really want your ex/the world to get the message, this is the same kind of radio silence you need to be giving off.
