6 Reasons Why You Need To Chill The F Out About Prom
Prom night. The Hollywood film industry, prom dress industry, and teen magazine industry would like you to believe that it’s the biggest night of your life. A night that you’ll never, ever forget. A night that will change your life forever.
If you’ve never been to prom before: I have sad news for you, it’s pretty anti-climactic.
It’s a great excuse to buy an overpriced long dress, but other than that, it’s no different than any other Saturday night in high school. Here are six reasons to chill out about prom.
1. You Probably Won’t Remember Your Date’s Name In 10 Years
Billy… Bobby… or was it Brody? No, it wasn’t Brody, that’s the name of that cute guy on The Hills that I used to have a crush on.
Regardless of who you take to prom, it’s very unlikely that he’s going to be your future husband or change your life in some way. Movies seem to make prom night out to be the time when everyone rents a hotel room and loses their virginity, but I’m not sure who really wants to lose their virginity knowing that their high school principal is within a mile radius?
Perhaps you’ll be home for winter break during college and you’ll see your prom date on Tinder and think “hmm… wonder what he’s doing now,” but you’ll probably just notice that he got fat and joined a fraternity and you’ll swipe left.
2. You’re Not Starring In a Teen Movie
While you may be freaking out about your up-do that looks like a bad 80s perm, I can guarantee that everyone else at prom is going to be way too concerned about their own hair to even glance at yours. It’s not your prom, it’s you and the 500+ other high school upperclassmen’s prom. There’s no spotlight on you, and if something embarrassing happens or you don’t look picture perfect every two seconds, nobody is likely to notice except for you and maybe your date if he’s not too busy staring at your tits. Sure, you can spend $800 on the perfect shoes, but I bet that nobody is going to look at them all night, and you’ll probably take them off halfway through the dance.
3. You’ll Never Wear Your Dress Again
It’s easy to be pissed at your mom for not agreeing to buy you that sweetheart-neckline, Swarovski-encrusted gown from Bloomingdale’s, but years from now you’ll understand how stupid it is to spend $600 on a dress that you’ll never wear again.
Even if you are able to fit into your high school clothing later in life, the trends will have changed and so will your taste in dresses, and that’s if you even have an event to wear a ball-gown to in the first place.
4. You Might Not Even Remember The Night At All
Your high school probably is marketing the prom with some lame-ass slogan like, “a night you’ll never forget.” Well, if you end up drinking half a bottle of the Burnett’s that your date sneaks into the limo, you probably won’t remember anything anyway. Don’t worry, you’ll probably have at least 10 embarrassing photos of you falling over yourself from the photographer, and if you’re lucky one will make it into the yearbook.
5. The “Best Night Of Your Life” Is Only Like Three Hours
Think about all the time you put into planning prom for a minute. From creating your “group,” to booking a limo, to finding a dress, to booking your hair and makeup appointments, etc.
Now, think about all the time you’ll actually spend at prom. Will you arrive there exactly on time and leave when the lights come on? Probably not. If your group is anything like my high school friends, you’ll go there for ten minutes too see the band, then leave so you can go back to some kid’s house and get drunk. Even if you do end up staying at the prom for the majority of the night, it’ll probably be three hours max. Are you going to have fun in those three hours? Hopefully. Is your life going to change in those three hours? Probably not.
After the night is over, you’re still going to head home to your parent’s that night (or morning, if you have after party plans), and have to go to school that following Monday. Hype it up all you want, but prom is just a blip on the radar of the rest of your high school experience, all of which you’ll probably have forgotten about by your sophomore year of college (unless you peaked in high school, then sorry).
6. You Can Do It All Over Again In College
If you’re planning on attending college and joining a sorority, you’re going to have plenty of prom-like events to attend every single year, they’re called formals in the college world. Even if you don’t join a sorority, you can easily befriend some fraternity guys and get invited to theirs. Prom won’t be the only night where you get to wear a long dress and pretend to be classy while hiding a flask of cheap liquor in your bra, don’t you worry!