Ask Tinderella: Should I Ask Him To My Sorority Formal?
I just stumbled across your blog and I love all your stories! I would love your advice as I’m completely new to the whole Tinder game. First, a little about me. I’ve been single for four years (yeah, I know) after dating a super awful guy in high school. I’m conservative, Christian, and am not the hookup type at all, so it’s been tough finding dates in college. My best friend has an A+ tinder game so I thought I would give it a try after some encouragement from her.
Anyways, I downloaded the app and matched with a surprising amount of guys. Not many of them messaged me (I refuse to message first) but there was this one guy who messaged first and seemed super sweet. We messaged on and off for a couple days before he gave me his number. We then texted all day long about all sorts of things… he even likes my cats! That night we were still messaging and I casually mentioned that I was up on campus working on a project.
He offered to bring coffee and drove all the way to campus/walked across campus to bring me coffee so I could stay awake. We sat down and talked for over an hour (it was so great!) before he walked me across campus, gave me a hug, and said that he would see me around sometime. When we were talking we both revealed that we were new to Tinder and I mentioned that it was out of my character as I’m not a hookup kind of girl.
He was surprised to hear that Tinder was used for hookups (he just got a Facebook a month ago, so I gave him a break haha) and seemed to be unhappy that it was used for that purpose. I texted him a thank you text which he responded to that night, I responded back but didn’t get another response. I didn’t really think much of it until the next morning when I got on Tinder to see if he had gotten back on Tinder out of curiosity.
To my dismay, his profile has disappeared and I’m guessing he has either unmatched me or deleted his Tinder. I waited all day for a message which never came, so I messaged him that night and we spoke briefly. It’s been another day and I haven’t sent him anything and he hasn’t sent me anything. I’m so new to this and rusty at the dating thing so I thought I might write in and see what you think?
Is this a good sign that he might have deleted his Tinder? Should I just wait it out, play the game, and see if he messages me first?
A side note for this, I have formal for my sorority that is happening Wednesday which I was originally planning on going to alone, however after all our talking and messaging, I would really like to ask him. Advice on this? I def don’t want to come off as creepy and I’m not sure how to go about all of this. I would so appreciate your advice!
Thanks for listening!
Your Hopeless Tinder Sister
Welcome to Tinder, my (not so) Hopeless Tinder Sister! Normally I would advise that you cut this guy loose and move on to the next, however you are in college so the rules are a little different.
I went to college in the states and was also in a sorority, so having totes been in your shoes I vote that you should definitely ask him to the formal! I once asked this gorgeous guy I barely knew from one of my classes to a formal and he said he couldn’t make it. Whether his excuse was legit or not, I don’t regret asking him because if he HAD come it would have been an awesome high, so the risk was worth it.
I also then asked someone else and had a blast – I highly recommend you ask someone else if Tinder boy can’t make it… formals are the best, embrace the part where you have total control of asking a boy out! If you ask him and he declines, or can’t make it, then you have played all your cards with this guy and your best bet is to delete his number and tell yourself that you won’t be hearing from him again, so that you can move on. If he does come around then it will be a nice surprise.
Unfortunately, the fact that he hasn’t really jumped at the chance to ask you out again suggests that you guys may not be on the same page but I still think that you have nothing to lose by asking him to the formal. Why not? College is the time to take risks on boys and enjoy the rollercoaster. A lot of the time it will be a joy ride, but you will also learn and grow from the mini-heartbreaks in between.
Moving forward with your Tinder adventures, I think that you might benefit from setting yourself an amount of days to wait to hear from a guy after a date – I recommend five days. If he hasn’t texted after five days it’s safe to assume that he probably isn’t going to, and then you can forget him and move on to the next with your dignity in tact.
Either way, you are saving yourself a lot of college drama by not hooking up with guys and I think that you will find a lot of men on and off Tinder who will respect your choices and be attracted to your morality.
My parting advice is that Tinder is great and so much fun but you are in college so don’t forget to take advantage of being on a campus full of smart single men your own age… it’s like a real life Tinder! You never really get that again so enjoy it to the fullest!
Good luck asking Mr Tinder to the formal and let us know how it goes!
Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to TinderellaNYC@gmail.com with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.