Should You Really Never Go To Sleep Angry at Your Boo? An Expert Weighs In

You’ve probably heard that if you and your guy have a fight, you should never go to bed angry. Perhaps you even saw Amy Schumer and Bill Hader stay up all night in Trainwreck because Bill Hader’s character’s parents taught him to never go to bed angry.

We asked Shawn Stevenson, author of Sleep Smarter, if there’s reasoning behind this idea, or if you can solve an argument just as effectively in the morning. While there is no hard and fast rule on going to sleep before a fight is settled, Stevenson explains that not having closure on an argument can seriously disrupt your sleep.

“Our endocrine system [the collection of glands that produce hormones that regulate your sleep] and nervous system will likely still be firing abnormally if you go to bed still in volatile conflict with someone you love,” says Stevenson. “Your best bet is to talk it out, work it out, maybe have some makeup sex, and go to sleep without it weighing on your subconscious mind.”

It’s difficult to get a good night’s sleep when you’re having a war in your mind, which can lead to tossing and turning all night long. Plus, these insecurities can lead to bad dreams, or even nightmares that will leave you feeling even more insecure about your relationship in the morning. You don’t have to have make-up sex, but at least come to a point in your fight where you feel like you’ve come to terms and that you don’t have any more to say.

If the argument seems like it could go on for years and you’re finding that your eyelids are getting heavy and you can’t stay awake, you can certainly go to bed before resolving things.

“If the argument is going on in the evening and you’re already tired from a long day, that’s the time to be most conscientious that your more primitive amygdala is trying to highjack your brain and probably make the problem far worse than it is,” Shawn says. “Have the wherewithal to still see the other person’s point-of-view, remember why you love them and that they love you, and focus on the solution and not the problem.”

In its most basic stages, your body needs sleep. If your body is really craving some rest, it’s not going to stop so that you can talk to your boo about that chick who keeps messaging him on Facebook. If you’re falling asleep in the middle of him trying to explain himself, that’s not going to go over well either. Explain to your partner that you’d rather talk about this when you’ve had some sleep and he’ll certainly understand. If he’s smart, he’ll realize that the more tired you are, the more angry you get.

The best solution is to communicate with bae as much as possible. Instead of waiting to bring things up when you’re drunk or when it’s late at night and you can’t sleep, bring issues up as soon as possible. It’ll help clear your head and allow you both to talk more calmly about the issue at hand, rather than you blowing up after holding in too many emotions. Whatever you do, don’t be afraid of “fighting.” After all, it’s healthy to argue with your partner from time to time. While you might sleep better if you do so during the daytime, it’s always better to get your feelings out rather than hide them.

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