STFU, Lindsay Lohan Is Gonna Record a New Album Any Day Now
We literally don’t even know how to process this recent development, but Lindsay Lohan is gonna record a new album any day now.
During a live chat with her fans, Lilo was asked whether or not she’d ever record a new album, and surprisingly Lindsay didn’t skip a beat before answering, “I have to record another album for Universal/Motown, and I will.”
Don’t you just love multi-record deals?
In the early-mid 2000s, every celebrity wanted to be a pop star, including Lindsay Lohan (and perhaps most notoriously Kim Kardashian).
In 2004 she released her first album, Speak, which sold 1.6 million copies in the US and peaked at #4 on the Billboard 200. Despite receiving lukewarm reviews (one reviewer noted that Lindsay “isn’t a bad singer, but not an extraordinary singer either”), it went on to be certified platinum, thanks in part to the popularity of her first single, “Rumors,” which went on to be nominated for the prestigious “Best Pop Video” award at the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards.
Sadly, the award ended up going to Kelly Clarkson for “Since U Been Gone,” when we all know that the VMA really should have gone to Gwen Stefani for her so-good-it’s-bad classic, “Hollaback Girl.”
Her second album, A Little More Personal (Raw) was released in December 2005. The album was generally considered to be horrible, but still went on to be certified gold.
Still, before you get too excited, you should know that the only thing that’s stopping her from going into the studio tomorrow is her baby sister Ali.
Lindsay’s 22-year-old sister Ali is currently recording an album of her own, and seeing as Lindsay has already hogged the spotlight for Ali’s entire life, she wants to be nice and give her sister a shot.
“Out of respect for her, and her true career choice, which is all she wants to do, is make music, and her voice is, like I mean Eta James meets Adele, I want to respect her in that lane…so as much as I want to sing every day, I don’t want my sister to hurt me.”
Seeing as in actuality Ali Lohan’s songs are the musical equivalent of scraping the bottom of the pop music barrel with a plastic spork you got from the bodega around the corner from your last one night stand’s apartment, we’re calling bullshit on Lilo’s excuses.
We know the real thing that’s stopping her from going into the studio and recording an album.
She just wants to keep going on vacation with her millionaire Russian boyfriend.
We see you, Lilo — and we won’t forget what you’ve promised us.