STFU, Lindsay Lohan Is Gonna Record a New Album Any Day Now
We literally donâ€™t even know how to process this recent development, but Lindsay Lohan is gonna record a new album any day now.
During a live chat with her fans, Lilo was asked whether or not sheâ€™d ever record a new album, and surprisingly Lindsay didnâ€™t skip a beat before answering, â€œI have to record another album for Universal/Motown, and I will.â€
Donâ€™t you just love multi-record deals?
In the early-mid 2000s, every celebrity wanted to be a pop star, including Lindsay Lohan (and perhaps most notoriously Kim Kardashian).
In 2004 she released her first album,Â Speak, which sold 1.6 million copies in the US and peaked at #4 on the Billboard 200. Despite receiving lukewarm reviews (one reviewer noted that Lindsay â€œisnâ€™t a bad singer, but not an extraordinary singer eitherâ€), it went on to be certified platinum, thanks in part to the popularity of her first single, â€œRumors,â€ which went on to be nominated for the prestigious â€œBest Pop Videoâ€ award at the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards.
Sadly, the award ended up going to Kelly Clarkson for â€œSince UÂ Been Gone,â€ when we all know that the VMA really should have gone to Gwen Stefani for her so-good-it’s-bad classic, â€œHollaback Girl.”
Her second album, A Little More Personal (Raw) was released in December 2005. The album was generally considered to be horrible, but still went on to be certified gold.
Still, before you get too excited, you should know that the only thing thatâ€™s stopping her from going into the studio tomorrow is her baby sister Ali.
Lindsayâ€™s 22-year-old sister Ali is currently recording an album of her own, and seeing as Lindsay has already hogged the spotlight for Aliâ€™s entire life, she wants to be nice and give her sister a shot.
â€œOut of respect for her, and her true career choice, which is all she wants to do, is make music, and her voice is, like I mean Eta James meets Adele, I want to respect her in that lane…so as much as I want to sing every day, I donâ€™t want my sister to hurt me.â€
Seeing as in actuality Ali Lohanâ€™s songs are the musical equivalent of scraping the bottom of the pop music barrel with a plastic spork you got from the bodega around the corner from your last one night standâ€™s apartment, weâ€™re calling bullshit on Liloâ€™s excuses.
We know the real thing thatâ€™s stopping her from going into the studio and recording an album.
She just wants to keep going on vacation with her millionaire Russian boyfriend.
We see you, Lilo â€” and we wonâ€™t forget what youâ€™ve promised us.