Kim Kardashian Invited Me to a Party On Facebook, But Now She’s Ghosting Me
Kim Kardashian has boobs so soft they feel like velvet, a butt so voluptuous it’s capable of breaking the Internet, and hundreds of millions of followers, so imagine my surprise when I got an e-mail a few days ago letting me know that if I wanted to, I could have a conversation with Kim Kardashian herself!
Or at least her digital self. Via Facebook Messenger.
I figured, what the hell, talking to a Kim Kardashian bot can’t be that much different than talking to actual Kim Kardashian, so I clicked on the link in the email to open Facebook Messenger, and in literally no time at all, a Kim Kardashian bot greeted me with the five words I’ve always wanted to hear from Kimmy, “Hey Maria, how’s it going?”
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Of course, I quickly realized there was one big catch about our conversation.
Just like with Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim and I couldn’t just shoot the shit about life, love and other mysteries, we had to stick to a script of Kris Jenner-approved responses.
Or at least I did.
The one time I tried going off script Kim said she didn’t know wtf I was talking about and then asked me if I wanted to try again, which seemed kind of rude tbh, but then I reminded myself how lucky I was to even be in the position of talking to Kim in the first place and I agreed to play by Kris’s rules.
Right away Kim asked me what I was doing this weekend and I was ashamed to tell her I was probably staying in.
We were barely even one minute into our conversation and Kim already knew I was a total loser!
Maybe she was being polite but Kim told me that “sounded nice,” and then started telling me about this fun party her family was having.
Only Kim had a problem.
She didn’t know where the party was.
“My mom’s being so secretive,” Kim told me. “She wants me to guess where the family party is. BUT first of all I have to figure out the perfect outfit.”
After asking me which one of her two outfit choices I liked better and then completely ignoring my advice, Kim asked me if I would actually like to go to her family’s party.
Obviously, I said I’d love to and then Kim and I proceeded to figure out the three clues Kris gave her about where on earth the party could possibly be.
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But then, once we figured out where it was – the Miraggio Grande in Vegas – Kim started getting weird.
Apparently, she didn’t want to meet me IRL at all, but in her app, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, which didn’t seem possible seeing as I’m a human and that’s not how technology works.
But before I could ask her about it she said, “I’ll message you in a couple of days!”
And then I immediately got a message that read “[…Kim Kardashian is busy. Check back in 48 hours…]”
So let this be a lesson to you all.
Kim Kardashian’s digital self will invite you to hang out with her and then ghost as soon as you realize her plans don’t make any sense at all, so just stick to the real Kim Kardashian.
She may be unattainable, but at least she doesn’t lead you on.