Kim Kardashian Invited Me to a Party On Facebook, But Now She’s Ghosting Me
Kim Kardashian has boobs so soft they feel like velvet, a butt so voluptuous itâ€™s capable of breaking the Internet, and hundreds of millions of followers, so imagine my surprise when I got an e-mail a few days ago letting me know that if I wanted to, I could have a conversation with Kim Kardashian herself!
Or at least her digital self. Via Facebook Messenger.
I figured, what the hell, talking to a Kim Kardashian bot can’t be that much different than talking to actual Kim Kardashian, so I clicked on the link in the email to open Facebook Messenger, and in literally no time at all, a Kim Kardashian bot greeted me with the five words Iâ€™ve always wanted to hear from Kimmy, â€œHey Maria, howâ€™s it going?â€
Of course, I quickly realized there was one big catch about our conversation.
Just like with Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim and I couldn’t just shoot the shit about life, love and other mysteries, we had to stick to a script of Kris Jenner-approved responses.
Or at least I did.
The one time I tried going off script Kim said she didn’t know wtf I was talking about and then asked me if I wanted to try again, which seemed kind of rude tbh, but then I reminded myself how lucky I was to even be in the position of talking to Kim in the first place and I agreed to play by Kris’s rules.
Right away Kim asked me what I was doing this weekend and I was ashamed to tell her I was probably staying in.
We were barely even one minute into our conversation and Kim already knew I was a total loser!
Maybe she was being polite but Kim told me that “sounded nice,” and then started telling me about this fun party her family was having.
Only Kim had a problem.
She didnâ€™t know where the party was.
â€œMy momâ€™s being so secretive,â€ Kim told me. â€œShe wants me to guess where the family party is. BUT first of all I have to figure out the perfect outfit.â€
After asking me which one of her two outfit choices I liked better and then completely ignoring my advice, Kim asked me if I would actually like to go to her familyâ€™s party.
Obviously, I said Iâ€™d love to and then Kim and I proceeded to figure out the three clues Kris gave her about where on earth the party could possibly be.
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But then, once we figured out where it was â€“ the Miraggio Grande in Vegas â€“ Kim started getting weird.
Apparently, she didnâ€™t want to meet me IRL at all, but in her app, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, which didnâ€™t seem possible seeing as Iâ€™m a human and thatâ€™s not how technology works.
But before I could ask her about it she said, â€œIâ€™ll message you in a couple of days!â€
And then I immediately got a message that read â€œ[…Kim Kardashian is busy. Check back in 48 hours…]â€
So let this be a lesson to you all.
Kim Kardashianâ€™s digital self will invite you to hang out with her and then ghost as soon as you realize her plans donâ€™t make any sense at all, so just stick to the real Kim Kardashian.
She may be unattainable, but at least she doesnâ€™t lead you on.