Here’s what each major US city would be as an astrological sign

I know you. I know you’ve read one too many articles about ‘where you should vacation based on your astrological sign‘ or ‘what kind of bangs you should get based on your astrological sign‘ or ‘what you should order at a Thai place based on your astrological sign’ and the rest.

But this is not one of those articles. You’ve read about which city you should live in based on your astrological sign, but have you ever considered which city you’d be? Because they aren’t quite exactly the same thing.

I’m going to dissect each of these major US cities and explain why that city is like you, and why. Fasten your seat belts and pop some damn corn.

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Read on to find out which city is the most like you.

Capricorn: Washington D.C.

Capricorns are often roasted for being overly measured: your Capricorn friend is that person who waits patiently for their nails to dry, or owns a clothing iron unironically in 2018.

More specifically (or, rather, less specifically), Capricorns are overwhelmingly known for one thing: their work ethic. A classic Capricorn is said to be incredibly hardworking, ambitious, intelligent and cautious. They also have the tendency to be serious, disciplined and a bit detached.

Sound familiar? That’s because that’s every white collar person working in D.C. ever at all (are you kidding with that obscene generalization? Of course I am, so please don’t come for me).

While a good amount of people in D.C. are likely faking the persona, I say with optimism that many people working for the government at some capacity likely possess many of the positive aforementioned qualities. Much like a Capricorn, D.C. is known for its corporate culture and its rather stern work climate, a climate which, from what I’ve seen and heard, seems to carry over into non-work life as well to an extent.

In short: Washing D.C. is that lightweight friend at the company Christmas party that can’t hang past 10 pm and talks about work at non-work events. No tea, no shade, moving right along.

Aquarius: New Orleans

I spy glitter hooves ✨

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Aquarians are known to be self-assured, independent, original and eccentric. They see the world as an open place full of possibility and enjoy constant mental stimulation.

While I know that New Orleans isn’t just Mardi Gras all of the time (wait…it’s not?) these traits also perfectly describe the city of New Orleans. It’s a city in constant motion— and I know people say that about nearly every city, but it seems as though you can really feel it in NOLA.

Okay, if you’re rolling your eyes right now, stop. I’m not done! Aquarians also have the tendency to be rebellious and temperamental, and I feel like that really embodies NOLA’s authentic (what was that? Authenticity? Originality? Another Aquarian trait) persona.

There’s a truly unapologetic nature that Aquarians have in common with the city of New Orleans— a sort of open-minded, inviting trailblazerdome (that word is so aggressively made up, but this is my article and I do what I want) that’s uniquely Aquarian. Okay, I’m done: next.

Pisces: Portland

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I feel like this is sort of ‘duuuhhh’, but allow me to defend my thesis nevertheless.

Ah, Pisces.

I say that in a sweet, soft voice because that’s what Pisces are: they’re dreamy, compassionate, sensitive and overly accommodating at times.

And while nearly all cities claim to be hippie-dippie-yippie-skippie-birkenstock-coffee-with-objectively-too-little-milk-in-it crunchy, Portland seems to be the most convincing in its own way, at least to me.

Though Portland is becoming increasingly gentrified (to say the least) and some may make the argument that it’s losing its soul, Portland also seems to attract a particularly compassionate, imaginative type. It seems to be a safe place for dreamers to land, and I feel like many people seek Portland out as a comforting retreat of sorts, or as a means to fulfill a dream. If that makes sense.

And while a city like New York has the potential to rip your dream out of your heart on some no-takesies-backsies shit, Portland does seem to be more accommodating and nurturing of softer souls. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Aries: Chicago

Aries. What are we going to do with y’all?

You’re blunt, upfront, and tell it like it is. You have strong opinions with a strong personality to match: not to mention an unrelenting need to be number one. Though Aries’ have a number of intimidating qualities, therein lies a certain sense of leadership and fearlessness that I will always envy.

After some consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that Chicago is most certainly an Aries. There’s a certain straightforward swagger Chicago has. It’s kind of like a no-nonsense, what you see is what you get vibe. Definitely less hippie-dippie-yippie-skippie-birkenstock-coffee-with-objectively-too-little-milk-in-it crunchy than some of its West Coast counterparts.

With fierce independence, individuality and headstrongedness being the characteristic Aries traits, I’d say it’s safe to say Chi’s an Aries.

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Taurus: Boston

Tb to sunny days. #tb #landscape #boston #usa #river #travel #photooftheday

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Tauruses are known for being headstrong. This can sometimes be codeword for stubborn, but in either case. Tauruses are patient and hardworking, and will wait and see if something is worth the time and investment.

While Tauruses have the tendency to be very chill, they also have the capacity to get extremely heated when worked up about something. This reminds me of Boston in that while it can be a relaxing place to live and is certainly less busy than some other cities, it also has a definite pulse that’s easy to get caught up in.

It’s also a bit conservative for a Northeastern city, comparatively speaking, and has the tendency to stick to its roots in many ways. In that sense, I’d render the city somewhat ‘stubborn’. Though I won’t get into the political nuances of that here, I’d say that also helps draw this astrological parallel.

Gemini: Miami

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Suspend all of your preconceived notions RE Geminis, if not just for a moment.

Or don’t.

Let’s just get to the point: Geminis are the life of the party— they’e expressive, quick-witted, fun and sociable creatures (or humans, because I just decided that it’s weird to use the words ‘people ‘and ‘creatures’ interchangeably).

But they’re also fucking crazy. Or maybe it’s that they’re so much fun because they’re crazy: who’s to say really?

Either way, I’m noting countless parallels between a quintessential Gemini and the city of Miami. Miami’s vivacious nature is not to be understated: it’s definitely a fun city, with a poppin’ nightlife scene and lots to do constantly. In this way, Miami is extremely fast-paced, lively, and fun.

However, much like the Gemini personality, there is the alternative, more laid-back and casual side of Miami. There is the side of Miami that is more serious (and notably real-estate oriented, actually) as well. Just as a Gemini has the capacity (and moreover, the tendency) to get intermittently serious at times, the city of Miami has an underbelly that’s more down-to-earth and low key.

The inconsistency and lively spirit that characterize Miami are also present in the Gemini personality. Just saying.

Cancer: Seattle

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This is just a joke about how in Seattle it rains all of the time and Cancers cry a lot, because they’re emotional haha get it

next (just kidding).

No but really, Cancers are a water sign and their affinity for water is a real thing. According to astrology, Cancers enjoy being near the water and are happiest surrounded by water. Not only does it rain always there, it’s also rife with like lakes and shit. Cancers everywhere are shaking.

I’m just going to keep riding this analogy and also throw out that Cancers are known to be moody AF, and Seattle is moody given the temperamental weather.

That said, Cancers are also incredibly sympathetic and sensitive, and the people of Seattle are said to be some of the sweetest ever. There’s a real warmth and camaraderie there, and also a moodiness, and well you know where this comparison is going.

Leo: New York

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Okay. As a lifelong New Yorker, I had to give this one extra careful consideration.

Initially, I thought New York was a Capricorn— no questions asked. As artistic as New York City is, something that undoubtedly characterizes its energy is its extreme work culture: everyone I know has multiple jobs, yet simultaneously feels as though they’re not working hard enough. And with Capricorns being the quintessentially ambitious sign, it seemed to be a fit. Intelligence and logic are also key Capricorn traits that I’d say are valued highly in New York.

All of that said, I’ve come to realize that patience, discipline and caution don’t quite come to capture New York’s eclectic spirit.

Leos, on the other hand, are action oriented and driven by the desire to be loved and admired. They’re extremely passionate, and often creative and cheerful. They can also be self-centered. This is undoubtedly what New York is about: creativity, passion, meeting and connecting (and competing) with people. But, perhaps more importantly, it’s about bettering oneself and giving oneself the opportunity to thrive in a place worthy of your spirit.

The presence of passion, egoism and artistic talent have got to make New York a Leo, hands down (but maybe with a Capricorn moon? We’ll discuss that at a later time).

Virgo: Austin

#FLOATINGCHAKRAS Day 7 Inversion of choice: #pinchamayurasana #pincha #forearmstand ☀ . THANK YOU amazing Floating hosts: @YOGAqua @Tayleerenee @Keysten @supyogawithkarine . 🌴 . & Generous sponsors: @liquidoactive @breatheindetroit @silversagejewelry @ilovegurus @peripherallifeandstyle @rawelementsusa . . Post list: Day 1 – Root Chakra: Forward fold 🧜🏼‍♀️ Day 2 – Sacral Chakra: Hip Opener🤸🏼‍♀️ Day 3 – Solar Plexus: Core activating pose🧘🏼‍♀️ Day 4 – Heart Chakra: Backbend of choice🏄🏼‍♀️ Day 5 – Throat Chakra: Fish pose or Shoulder stand🧜🏼‍♀️ Day 6 – Third eye: Downward dog🤸🏼‍♀️ Day 7 – Crown Chakra: Inversion of choice 🏄🏼‍♀️ . . . #chakras #igyogachallenge #yogalove #yogachallenge #yogaeverydamnday #sup #supyoga #paddleboardyoga #standuppaddle #yogajourney #namaste

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Critical thinking, hardworking, artistic: these are some of the words traits that characterize the city of Austin also seem to characterize a classic Virgo. Virgos are known for being overly critical and picky about what they do, which results in not wanting to do anything half-assed: a Virgo will always want to pour their heart and soul into something.

Though Austin is known for being pretty chill, Austin is also known for its ever-emerging art scene, it’s authentic heart and its selflessness. Seems like the ideal place for a Virgo to thrive if you ask me.

Libra: Los Angeles

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My being a Libra from New York has resulted in some cognitive dissonance, I’ll admit.

But if any city’s a Libra, it’s Los Angeles.

While hard work, ambition and passion are things that are valued in New York, I’d say charisma, charm and beauty get you further in LA.

Libras are known for being social, charismatic, romantic, laid-back, and balanced (not to mention kind: the best trait). Given that LA is more or less defined by its social scene (yeah…I’m gonna go with ‘more’), a Libra comparison only makes sense. Libras also value peace, harmony and a balanced lifestyle: a sentiment many West Coast cities seem to share.

Libras have a deep love of all things beautiful, which echoes Los Angeles’ borderline deviant fixation on aesthetics. Libras can also be self-indulgent and typically value material things: Los Angeles anyone? The parallels are uncanny.

Finally, Libras are also known to be a bit manipulative and superficial: both traits that also characterize the contemporary Los Angeles social scene! We’re in good company.

Honestly, LA is like a Libra’s paradise: creative, laid-back, a little scene-y (a gas, but also a self-drag). But overall, a Libra’s soft, gentle spirit does best in a place that’s laid back, relaxed and naturally beautiful. My East Coast friends roast me for loving it, but can you blame me?

Scorpio: Baltimore

The one word that comes to mind when I think of a Scorpio is intense (in bold just like this).

They’re a little rough around the edges, but you get to love them as you get to know them. cAs is the case with Baltimore: it’s a city with heart, but it’s also a very charged city, whether that be politically, socially or otherwise. There’s always something happening and the city’s residents are not keen on keeping quiet about what goes on around them. Baltimore is the hub of a lot of strong emotion and sentiment, which likens it to a Scorpio in my book.

Scorpios are also known for being incredibly focused and intuitive, which ties along with taking a stand. The city of Baltimore is not a passive one, and apathy doesn’t even begin to come to mind when discussing it.

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Sagittarius: San Francisco

Sag’s are known for being open-minded, philosophical, idealistic, creative and entrepreneurial: in other words, if San Francisco were a person.

The inquisitive, curious energy that Sagittarians embody is emblematic of the young progressive energy that defines San Francisco. This same energy can also manifest itself in the form of inconsistency and overconfidence, two other key Sag traits.

In addition, the idealism found in most Sagittarians resembles the millennial culture that pervades SF currently: young people who are trying to overachieve and do the most they can, both morally and financially, within a corrupted system.

Sagittarians are known to be extremely worldly and always want to learn and travel more. Given SF’s diverse and tolerant nature, these traits seem fitting. Sag’s also tend to value being outdoors, which seems typical of many SF residents.

Finally, Sag’s tend to enjoy more dynamic jobs where their roles are constantly changing, which is characteristic of many contemporary Silicon Valley jobs.

Holy shit, this analogy is too perfect. But if Sag’s are considered to be the happiest sign in the zodiac, why wouldn’t they be matched with one of the happiest cities in the US?

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