How To Hook Up With Bae On Your Family Vacation

If you’re in a serious relationship and your fam loves your boo, they may just invite him on your annual family vacation. “Wooh! My dad’s never liked a boyfriend enough to invite him on our annual trip to The Hamptons,” you may think to yourself.

But while you’re getting excited thinking of hitting the beach with your man, showing him all your favorite spots, and sipping Coronas by the pool, ask yourself one question: where are you two going to fuck?

Of course, having sex isn’t always the most important aspect of your relationship, and you guys are civil enough to get through one week without sex (maybe). But, you can’t pretend that celibacy while seeing each other in your swimwear all week is going to be easy.

1. Utilize The Day Time

If you’re on a family beach trip, there’s a very good chance that all adults are going to spend the majority of their day on the beach. Although you may miss some peak hours of tanning time, it could be a good idea to sneak back to the condo for some afternoon delight while you have the place to yourselves.

That being said, you do have to consider that someone may go inside for one reason or another. Say your dad needs to charge his Kindle or your mom wants to head up to make some sandwiches for lunch. A good idea would be to go up right after somebody was just in the apartment, because hopefully they grabbed everything that someone could need from inside. To not raise suspicion, say that you’re going for a walk on the beach or to the pool, then sneak off to the room once you’re out of their sight.

2. Or Sneak It In At Night

Although the fear of getting caught can be half the fun, if you’re too worried about your Aunt Cathy walking in on you two boning when she goes up for her afternoon nap, it might be a better idea to wait until everyone is asleep. This is also up to your own discretion, do your parents go to bed at 9 p.m. and sleep heavily? Then go for it. If your mom wakes up at the tiniest squeak from years of training herself to hear your little sister sneaking out at night, it might be a problem.

Hopefully your parents don’t mind you and bae taking a romantic late night walk on the beach, so them hearing you leave the house isn’t terrible. What would be terrible is if your little brother goes into detail at breakfast about how he heard “animal noises” coming from your room.

3. Get Outdoorsy

If you are adamantly against the idea of trying to have sex in the same house as your parents, you could explore other options. There’s always the idealized sex on the beach, which will probably end in your boyfriend running pants-less from beach cops or you getting a UTI. You could also try getting busy under the boardwalk, but there’s a good chance you’ll end up next to two 13-year-old kids making out. Instead, go for less ideal places that will actually be much safer, say the empty stairwell in your building that nobody uses because people are on vacation and don’t want to get any exercise.

4. Accept Defeat 

If your family’s idea of vacation is renting a one room condo on a super busy resort where there’s absolutely no privacy, then you might just have to accept defeat. Does it kind of suck? Yes. Do you have the female version of blue balls? Probably. Is it the end of your relationship? Absolutely not. In fact, all that a week of teasing with no sex is going to do is make your sex that much hotter once you finally are out of parental control. In the mean time, maybe consider masturbating in the shower.

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