F*ckboy Olympics Round 8: Justin Bieber vs. Jude Law
We’re nearing the end of our Fuckboy Olympiad — in fact, next week is the finals. But first, we have to figure out who wins the right side of the bracket. This week’s match-ups are Justin Bieber vs. Jude Law and Charlie Sheen vs. Hugh Hefner.
That’s right, we’re naming the biggest fuckboys in the international superstar and elder statesman divisions.
Now let’s get ready to fuckboy!
1. Justin Bieber vs. Jude Law
This was a tough choice because cheating with the nanny is a fuckboy calling card if there ever was one. But still, it was a landslide in favor of Justin Bieber, everyone’s favorite budding fuckboy.
“Even if Jude Law cheated with the damn nanny, I still think Justin is the fuckboy we all deserve,” intern Keely Quinlan said. “Different chick every week, everyone loves him, and I think for that, he deserves the title.”
For Galore TV producer Victoria Brandt, it was a matter of international diplomcay.
“I just feel like a British dude can’t win the fuckboy title,” she said.
Still, sex and dating writer Ashley Uzer was compelled to still vote for Jude.
“Justin tries to portray the bad boy image, whereas being a true fuckboy means convincing girls that you’re a good guy while secretly fucking their sister,” Ashley said, rightfully so. “Or the nanny, which brings me to Jude Law. He seems like a cute British man you’d love to sip tea with, and suddenly he’s porking the nanny behind his beautiful wife’s back. Not cool.”
Still, no one could fill Justin’s custom Yeezys when it comes to living out the official fuckboy image.
JUSTIN BIEBER: 6
JUDE LAW: 2
WINNER: JUSTIN BIEBER
2. Charlie Sheen vs. Hugh Hefner
Now this was a tough choice. What’s worse: inspiring several generations of douche nozzles to treat women like pieces of meat, or having sex with people and not disclosing your HIV status? In the world of fuckboys, it turns out endangering the lives of others takes the cake.
“Charlie Sheen is a wannabe Hugh Hefner,” says Ashley Uzer, “which makes him more of a fuckboy because he couldn’t even be a successful fuckboy. At least Hugh made a lucrative business out of it.”
For Keely, it’s also interestingly a manner of business acumen.
“Hef has a reason to be a womanizer and has made himself successful by surrounding himself with beautiful women, but Charlie is a sex addict,” Keely says. “Hugh profited from his weird kinks and sex obsession, whereas Charlie fell flat on his face.”
Erica Eglow, however, points out that Hugh is one of the only 90-year-olds getting consistently banged by 20-year-olds. “Slay,” she said.
Still, Charlie Sheen took the title.
“At least Hugh Hefner helped some girls launch their careers,” optimistic pop culture writer Maria Pasquini said.
CHARLIE SHEEN: 5
HUGH HEFNER: 3
Wasn’t that crazy? Tune in next week for our final Fuckboy Olympiad, where we’ll decide who gets the gold, silver, and bronze between these four fuckers:
Charlie Sheen
Justin Bieber
Tiger Woods
Chris Brown
