What Your Fav Smoking Apparatus Says About You
Here’s the deal: weed is weed.
And the people who smoke it share a lot in common (weed), but what sets us stoners apart from each other is the way we choose to consume cannabis.
Yes, granted, sometimes we’re forced to think on the fly and get high however we can, but how we choose to consume it when given options does happen to say a lot about who we are. So here’s what your fav apparatus says about you.
If you still have a bong past your college years, you’re likely a lifestyle stoner. What does that mean? Basically you wear Huf clothing, and your friends are all stoners too because why would you waste your time chilling with anyone else? Your friends also would consider you as one of the most generous people they know and they often bum greens off you.
Bob Marley is your God, and you have black light posters in your room that are trippy af. You’d have to hide 99 percent of the decorations in your house if your parents came over because they’re all pot related. Your bong has a name, and your friends know it and refer to it as that name. If they didn’t, you’d be insulted because it’s a status symbol. You love music festivals, and your life goal at this moment is to move to Colorado or California where weed is legal. You might even open your own dispensary. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing better than getting high af off a few rips and kicking it while watching some stupid TV because weed is not life, it’s your identity.
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You’re laid back, and genuinely smoke weed because you enjoy it. You take about as much pride in quality of the weed itself as you do in your ability to roll the most perfect joint ever beheld by the eye of man. You believe the joint is the ultimate utilitarian form, and you can answer any questions your friends might have about the strain or how they’re going to feel after smoking. The bodega man knows your face, and always knows exactly what kind of rolling papers you dig.
And even though you’re pretty carefree, you will defend your rolling methods until the day you die. It’s an art form not many appreciate, and that can leave you feeling pretty misunderstood. But don’t worry about feeling isolated because your friends love you for this ability and keen eye for joint perfection.
However, that’s not to say this attention to detail doesn’t derail you in some ways. You might be more productive than the other personalities on this list, but you smoke literally everyday. That’s the secret to your masterful ways and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Unlike the joint enthusiasts, you smoke for show. When you say you need a blunt, you’re not kidding. I mean, really, do you even have to wonder why it’s called a blunt? You’re very serious, and you don’t smoke that often, but when you do, everyone has to know. You post to Snapchat, Instagram story and your finsta. Did it really happen if you didn’t post it?
No one loves a blunt more than you (okay, maybe Rihanna does), and you probably still reminisce on the first time someone ever passed you a blunt, and because of this, you stick to a certain type of wrapper. If you don’t have the exact type of Backwoods, it derails the entire experience. The pot and tobacco combo is to die for, but you stick to it more for the nostalgia factor.
You love fashion. It comes naturally, and is there a better accessory than a blunt? It says “I’m cool” without being too obvious about it, and that’s the approach you take with your entire life.
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You’re definitely still in college, and you smoked weed for the first time like a year ago. Now that you own a piece, everyone knows that you have freshly adopted this lifestyle. You really don’t care about the quality of the weed, as long as it gets you high. You’re still learning the ropes and you’ll probs choose one of the others on this list soon.
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Okay, so you’re pretty badass. All your friends know they can’t level up with you, but you’re probs unproductive because you would rather spend your days melting from the inside out than working. But that’s okay because your entire lifestyle is about dabbing. You probably follow Instagram accounts that relay the most impressive rigs and setups that you wish you had.
But what sets you apart from the Bong personalities is that you enjoy being so high that it alters your state of consciousness. That level of messed up is where you like to operate, which leads me to believe that there might be something major going on in your life that you’re ignoring. It’s okay to distract yourself from it for awhile, but it will catch up eventually.
You’re a fancy pants, and your vape makes you think that you’re better than everyone else. But, don’t kid yourself: your Pax3 doesn’t make you any different than me. But, you do live a low-key life. You’re not as flamboyant about your stoner practices as the Bong personalities and you’d rather hide the fact that you’re high at nearly social event that you’re forced to go to.
You consider yourself a young professional, probably a millennial just trying to grabble with the reality of the world and weed is an escape. Your colleagues would definitely judge you if they knew how much weed you actually smoked, but at this point, who cares?
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If you voluntarily choose to smoke out of an apple or something whack as hell like that when there are clearly better and more efficient options, you maybe need to take a step back and evaluate yourself. You know that greener pastures exist, and yet you choose to ignore them because you’re just comfortable in your routine.
You might actually be a Trump supporter.
If you like edibles over ANY of the above options, literally why are you here? Roll a joint. Get a job. Are you 12?