Forget The Illuminati, The Bob Mob Is The Real Secret Society Running The World
Yesterday, Racked pointed out that Zendaya, Taylor Swift, Rihanna and Demi Lovato all had something pretty major in common: they’ve all sported straightened, chin-length bobs within the past 3 months.
While they thought this signaled “an unfortunate trend towards newscaster cuts for young, American songstresses,” we knew it was really a sign of something else: that all four women were members of a clandestine secret society that’s running pop culture.
And no, we’re not talking about that Illuminati nonsense, we’re talking about something real: the Bob Mob.
Allow us to explain.
It all started in late 2015 when Taylor Swift cut her hair in a chin-length bob and embarked on her 1989 world tour, which was really just a front for meeting as many celebrities as possible to see who was worthy of joining the ranks and willing to make the sacrifices that said membership entailed (we’re not sure of the particulars, but possible activities include ritual sacrifice, satanic offerings, and spending hours baking cookies with Taylor and her cats).
But wait, why would anybody want to endure any of those membership activities?
Because being a member of the Bob Mob is a sure-fire ticket to success. If you join it, you’re almost guaranteed that your next album, fashion show, tour, etc. will be universally loved or at least be the only thing anybody can talk about for 24 hours, which is basically the same thing.
For a few months, the only celebrity to take Taylor up on her offer was Gigi Hadid, who rocked a faux bob at the American Music Awards back in November of 2015 shortly after it was announced that she’d booked her first Victoria’s Secret show. Gigi might have been nervous about joining Taylor’s secret society before, but now, her dream gig was at stake. Did she really want to risk walking in VS as a loner, or would she rely on the power of the bob to float her though?
So Gigi did what any self-respecting model who dreams of being supermodel of the world would do: she got a f*cking bob.
The show went well, and ever since, Gigi’s face has been everywhere. Coincidence? We think not.
And its not just Gigi who turned to the Bob Mob in a time of need, Rihanna made the same exact call.
Imagine if you will that it’s February of 2015. Even though Rihanna was living what looked like a chill AF life on Instagram, inside she was filled with nerves. She had a new fashion line debuting at New York Fashion Week and a highly anticipated album that she couldn’t put off releasing any more. Failure wasn’t an option, so she called Taylor up, told her they had to keep any cookie baking on the DL, and asked what she needed to do.
Taylor’s answer consisted of three words, and three words only, “copy my bob.”
Thank you to my kill team, NAVY we’re the 1ST & ONLY in history to be @RIAA_awards certified with 100M song awards and….. #ANTI is PLATINUM! Thank u for the love! Glory be to God!!!
A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on
Rihanna’s not one to copy though, so she decided to clean up Taylor’s bob, and put her own spin on it. Stick straight, slick, and parted down the middle. People loved her Puma line, ANTI went platinum and “Work” has been the #1 song on the Billboard chart for weeks now.
Seeing how successful Rihanna’s changes were, Taylor Swift sleeked out her own bob just in time for the Grammy Awards and, well you know how that went.
Of course, it’s tempting to attribute the Bob Mob’s success to Taylor — but let’s not forget the woman who started it all.
That’s right, Anna Wintour. We’re pretty sure she doesn’t even need to trim her hair anymore, it’s just permanently stuck on like that.
So next time you’re in a career rut, maybe think about joining the Bob Mob. Seven iconic women can’t be wrong.