A vibrator that will make you say “dick is so bad now” + 5 other things I’m obsessing over this week
Hi what’s up hello?
I’m sorry to tell you that I haven’t been into shopping for clothes much lately because I’ve been so busy furnishing my apartment and adjusting my skin and hair routine to the California dryness, pollution, etc.
But, who needs clothes? This week I’m sharing some finds including an epic vibrator, a boujie body oil, some bomb chocolates, and a neon windbreaker. Hope you enjoy!
1. A body oil that looks good on your bathroom counter
If you follow me on Instagram you’ll see that the last few weeks of my life have been completely taken over by furnishing my new apartment from scratch. Because I was lucky enough to find an apartment with a ton of storage space (cabinets and drawers galore), I’m hiding all my less-aesthetic products and only leaving the best out for visitors to view. I used to buy Palmer’s body oil (which is also good if you’re on a budget), but I recently upgraded to this body oil by Olverum.
Instead of super sweet coconut, it almost smells like a more subtle and elevated version of olive oil. It seems to work the same way as the coconut oil I was using before (I use it for shaving and to calm down the KP I get on the backs of my arms and legs). But most importantly, it looks bomb on my bathroom counter/shower shelf. Can I get a #shelfie?
2. A Windbreaker That Ensures You’ll Be a Safe Pedestrian
I recently moved to LA and am suddenly feeling like I need a giant wardrobe of medium-warmth jackets. My trusty leather jacket and jean jacket are getting boring. Enter this By Sami Ryan windbreaker that’s the color of the moment: highlighter green (or highlighter yellow if that’s what you call it, but it’s always green to me).
I love this for throwing on over my workout clothes before a morning yoga class — for when it’s not technically cold but just cold enough to not be walking around in a sports bra.
3. Fancy-tasting chocolates that aren’t fancy-priced
I don’t always go to Trader Joe’s, but when I do I’ve decided that I deserve to try whatever new chocolate or dessert item they’re whipping up. The other week I snagged a bag of their toasted sesame caramels and — wooh — yes. They were not too sweet, just a little savory with the sesame, and a little crunch too. Also, the color of the bag is really cute and that doesn’t really matter, but somehow it also does.
4. A book that will relatable to any girl who always gets bored in relationships
I know it’s early, but I think Spinster will be my favorite book of 2019. And it’s not even a new book, it came out in 2016, I realize, but still.
There were seriously so many parts of this book that hit close to home for me, and not just because the author also writes for a living, constantly feels like she’s settling in her relationships, and has always held a “secret spinster fantasy” wish in her heart.
There was literally a part where she notices that when she starts getting bored of her relationships, she just sleeps for obscene amounts of time and I was like, “holy shit, does this explain my selective narcolepsy???”
Still need to bring up that theory to my therapist but, I will literally talk about this book to anyone and would recommend it to every woman. It’s a very good memoir that I think you’ll find relatable, and even if you don’t, the way she structures it is around five notable female writers, so you’ll also learn about historical literature!
Oh, and there’s also a part where she takes a job at a boujie, well-paying decorating magazine, gets her own studio apartment, and gets really into decorating it. I’m not saying it’s me, but, it’s me.
5. A vibrator that will make you say “dick is so bad now”
After I read Sophie Saint Thomas’ review of the Satisfyer 2, I decided it was time I buy myself a legit, semi-expensive vibrator. And I actually didn’t buy it for myself because someone gifted it to me from my Amazon wishlist, but I almost did.
To quote my sister, who happened to purchase herself the same vibrator without conferring it with me (great minds think alike, I guess), “That vibe will change your life. Dick is so bad now.”
The vibrator is all about the clit (which makes sense since 37% of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm), and it’s waterproof. Instead of buzzing from the outside, the mechanism is almost like a suction that then pulses around your clit.
To be honest with you, I’ve actually only used it once so far because I accidentally left it behind when I first moved to LA in April, but as someone who doesn’t normally love vibrators — I am definitely a fan.
Pair it with your favorite dildo (if like me, you still like a lil’ penetration too) and your vagina will be a fan too.
6. A Face Mask That Smells (& Looks) Like Chocolate Icing
Okay, I’m so sorry that this is the second week in a row that I’m singing praises for a beauty product that reminds me of dessert (but isn’t actually even supposed to smell like dessert), but I know what I like.
And this mask, regardless of it’s thick, chocolate-y brown consistency, is good.
Seriously, it’s not just me. There are 375 reviews on the Asarai site affirming people’s love for it. It’s a good clay mask. It detoxifies without drying. It’s natural, fragrance-free, and seriously — the smooth rich consistency is enough of a benefit for me even if it didn’t make my skin look better (but it does).
There’s only one catch: your sink and/or washcloth will have brown splotches on it after de-masking, but the beauty of these things is that you can clean them! And if not, you can just designate one of your washcloths for your Asarai mask, kind of like you should designate one of your towels for sex.
Got something you think I would obsess over? Email me ashley@galoremag.com. I’m currently on the hunt for a bomb bathrobe.
