8 Places To Avoid If You Don’t Want To See People From High School Over Break
Okay, let’s be real. Anybody who says they “miss high school” clearly peaked in high school.
As for the rest of us, we’d prefer to, you know, avoid everybody from high school forever. Save for the two or three friends that we occasionally keep in touch with.
This becomes an issue when you go home for the holidays. It’s easy to avoid all those bullshit “reunion” bar crawls, but it’s not so easy to avoid everyday places where you might just run into the Regina George or Aaron Samuels of your alma mater.
If you’re trying to keep a low profile over the holidays, you’ve got to avoid these places.
1. That Trendy Salad Spot In Your Town
Every betch from your high school is trying to counter the gluten-free Christmas cookies they’ve been wolfing down at home with a salad from whatever your local spot is, which probably has some basic-ass name like “Go Fresh” or “Sweet Leaf.” Save your $11 and the potentially awkward convo with your ex-BFF by making your own salad at home.
2. Any “Popular” Bar
Wouldn’t you love to get inside the mind of that one person who plans a Facebook event called “Ridgedale High Class of ’11 Reunion”? Like, who ever thought that getting blackout drunk with all the people you tried to forget about would ever be fun? It sounds like a horror film.
Getting drunk at home is more fun, cheaper, and you can actually control who you invite over… at least when you’re sober.
3. The Mall
First off, you should avoid the mall leading up to Christmas anyways, because it’s a certified shit show. Second off, there’s no telling who you’ll run into while in the depths of the Urban Outfitters sale section.
The good news is there’s this thing called online shopping, which helps you to avoid any human interaction whatsoever. You should try it sometime!
I mean, do we even need to explain this one?
Remember when you were in high school and Chipotle was THE after school spot? Well, when winter break comes around, it’s as if nothing has changed. The bros who peaked in high school are still DTF (down to feast) on a double-meat burrito bowl like it ain’t no thang, regardless of the E. coli breakout that affected the chain last year.
6. The Gym
The gym is the worst fucking place to run into your sophomore year ex or those bitches who used to call you Blowjob Becky. You’re sweaty, probs out of shape from all the eating you’ve been doing, and way too out of breath to answer the classic, “How have you been?”
I mean honestly, can’t you just wait to work out until January first like everybody else on this planet?
7. The Liquor Store
Now that everyone from your high school is finally legal and doesn’t have to ask Kacey’s older brother if he can buy them a handle of Burnett’s, you know that they’re going to be hitting up your town liquor store.
Unless you want to “catch up” with your high school frenemy while holding a ridiculously heavy handle of Smirnoff, just ask your dad to pick you something up while he’s running errands.
8. Any Public Place Within a 50 Mile Radius
Honestly, the moral of this story is that if you really don’t want to see any people that you haven’t thought of in years, just like, don’t leave the house. Or take a vacation somewhere far, far away from your hometown. You won’t regret it.