7 Cleanses To Try That Have Nothing To Do With Your Weight
Cleanses can be great for your mind, body, and soul.
No, I’m not talking about some bullshit juice cleanse that costs $200 and causes you to gain back all your weight right after you return to normal eating. I’m also not talking about some celebrity backed detoxes that only works if you have a personal chef and the strength of Beyoncé.
I’m talking about a cleanse that will actually last for a reasonable amount of time and has nothing to do with losing weight. While they may not make you fit into your size 00 Abercrombie jeans from the 10th grade, they could potentially change aspects of your life that you didn’t even know you needed to fix.
1. A Closet Cleanse
I still wear Delia*s tank tops from the seventh grade sometimes, and I recently dug up my choker from the third grade that I once glued a picture of Benji Madden onto. It’s fun being able to dig into the past by whipping out an Avril Lavigne concert tee, but one day your parents are going to downsize and you’re going to be fucked.
If you need an incentive to get rid of your shit, besides feeling awesome afterwards and actually being able to find the clothes you like, you can try selling your stuff on a variety of apps or websites (check out our favorites here). Sure, you may only be able to sell your beloved Juicy jacket for $10, but that’s enough for a meal at Chipotle, so congrats.
If you need some structure or motivation behind cleaning out your closet Eminem-style, try Marie Kondo’s “tidying up” method. Kondo has taken the world by storm as of late with her cleaning method that focuses on how certain objects (or clothes) make you feel.
2. A Finance Cleanse
When’s the last time you budgeted your money? No, making guys buy all your drinks isn’t budgeting, it’s life. I mean actually paying attention to where your money goes. You know when you get paid on Friday but then you only have $10 in your bank account by Monday and nothing to show for it? Most of the time money seems to go straight into margaritas, pizza, or Uber rides rather than shit you actually want or need.
Michelle Singletary designed the “Financial Fast” as a three week wake up call for you to realize where your money goes. Ready for it? The fast means you can’t buy anything that’s not a necessity for 21 days.
“No getting your hair done, no nails, no eating out, no movies … and no shopping for entertainment,” explained Singletary to CBS.
Sound tough? It probably is, but doing this short and sweet diet for your wallet is a great way to be more aware of where your money is going. If the thought of not eating or drinking out for 21 days is unbearable, download a dating app ASAP.
3. An Alcohol Cleanse
You’re probably LOLing over your glass of rosé right now and I know I said none of these cleanses had to do with weight loss, but hear me out. What if you had to face every social encounter dead sober? Pretty daunting, right?
In college and beyond, so many of us turn to alcohol to cure our social anxiety or provide us with fun, but there comes a point when we almost rely on it to bring on a good time. If you get to that point, or alcohol is affecting your life negatively in any way, it’s certainly not a horrible idea to swear off the liquid courage for a reasonable amount of time (say 30 days).
Learning to have fun and socialize without a beer in your hand is a skill that everyone should learn, and your waistline and your wallet will definitely benefit from this “cleanse” as well. If you’re worried about your party friends giving you shit, just order sodas at the bar and throw a lime in them. While your girls are hungover and sleeping until noon, you can finally check out that Saturday morning yoga class you’ve been wanting to try.
4. A Dating Cleanse
If you live in a big city and you’re using one or more dating apps, finding a bae can feel like a full time job. Seriously, if you have to keep track of one more “Dan from Tinder” in your phone you’re going to lose all sanity.
The thing about finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is that love (or lust) seems to always bite you in the ass when you least expect it. Instead of desperately searching for Mr. Right, try loving yourself and watching the eligible bachelors come to you. By making yourself unavailable to your 200 matches on Bumble, you make yourself available to someone who sees you as more than a hot profile picture.
It sounds counterintuitive, but if you find yourself getting exhausted or jaded while constantly hitting the dating scene, take a break from dating altogether. It doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to guys, but by ditching the high pressure situation of a date, you can stop judging guys like you’re The Bachelorette and start having fun.
5. A Sex Cleanse
Remember when Paris Hilton swore to not have sex for a full year in 2006? Me neither, but she did according to this People article.
A year is a bit excessive, but swearing off sex for a month or two could change your life for the better. Grab yourself an awesome vibrator and you certainly won’t miss all the fuckboys who couldn’t give you orgasms. You also won’t miss feeling used, walks of shame, or wondering if the guy you slept with really likes you.
You don’t have to stop dating (unless you’re also doing the above cleanse). In fact, if you start seeing a guy and he doesn’t mind that you’re not going to fuck him for 30 days or more, you know that he’s interested in you for the right reasons.
6. A Phone Cleanse
Do you know how many nasty germs live on your phone? Probably not, because you’re too busy Snapchatting while in the bathroom and triple-checking that there’s no sign of the toilet in your selfie.
Even if you do worry about cleaning your phone, you probably have no clue how to, and the idea of giving away your phone to some type of phone-wash for a day sounds unbearable.
Instead, try phone soap. One of the brand’s most useful products is a phone charger that cleans and sanitizes your phone while you charge it. It may seem scary at first, but the process only takes five minutes and the mechanism uses UV light rather than chemicals. Why not kill two birds with one stone and clean your phone while you charge it? After you get rid of all those nasty toilet germs, you can delete every fuckboy’s number for a total phone cleanse.
7. A Social Media Cleanse
This is a DIY cleanse. You can go all hipster/cave person and swear off all social media for a month (or a week), or you can decide which social media you really need a break from.
For example, if you’re the type of person that records every single moment for your Snap story instead of enjoying them, maybe say goodbye to Snapchat for a bit. If you constantly stress over how many likes you’ll get on your latest selfie (which you’ve FaceTuned to perfection), perhaps you should ignore Instagram for a while. Nothing needs to be permanent, and it’s okay to keep certain social channels for work related purposes, but living in the moment is always better than living through your iPhone screen. Try taking a break from one or more social media channels this summer, you’ll likely realize that you didn’t need your phone so badly after all.