I DON’T NEED A WELLNESS JOURNEY. I NEED AN EVENING.
At some point, relaxing became another thing we were supposed to be good at.
There’s a morning routine. A nighttime routine. Supplements. Journaling. Meditation. Red-light masks. Cold plunges. Someone on TikTok would probably like me to regulate my nervous system before breakfast.
Girl, I have a JOB.
Sometimes I don’t need to become the most optimized version of myself. I don’t need to enter a new era. I don’t need a seven-step nighttime ritual that somehow requires equipment.
I need an evening.
A few hours where nobody needs anything from me. My phone is somewhere I can’t immediately reach it. Something unnecessarily hydrating is on my face. There’s food coming. Maybe somebody I actually like is sitting next to me talking absolute nonsense.
That’s it.
Apparently, this is wellness now.
FIRST: PUT SOMETHING EXPENSIVE-LOOKING ON YOUR FACE
I still believe deeply in the psychological power of a face mask.
Does putting one on immediately repair every bad decision I’ve made since 2012? No.
Do I look in the mirror ten minutes later and think, Okay. We’re getting our life together?
Absolutely.
This is not the evening for aggressively exfoliating your face into another dimension. We’re hydrating. We’re moisturizing. We’re trying to look suspiciously well-rested tomorrow despite doing almost nothing to earn it.
FOR FUN: Add some shine and bedazzle your masks and snap a pic before it all falls off.
Face Masks:
Source: @chantalebrander
- Dr. Jart+ Cryo Rubber Mask – HERE
- 111SKIN Rose Gold Brightening Mask – HERE
- Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Sheet Mask – HERE
Lip Masks (because talking sh*t dries you out):
YOUR PHONE CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU
This may be the most radical part of the evening.
Put it down.
Not in a digital detox, I deleted Instagram and discovered trees kind of way. I’m not doing that.
I just don’t think we need to know what everyone is doing for ninety consecutive minutes.
The group chat will survive.
TikTok will invent another aesthetic while you’re gone.
Someone you went to high school with will still be on vacation when you return.
You can check later.
WATCH SOMETHING YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN 46 TIMES
I have no interest in learning new characters tonight.
Give me The Devil Wears Prada. Give me Clueless. Give me something where I already know who is going to make the bad decision, what outfit is coming next and exactly when I need to look up from my food.
And obviously, if you’re watching with friends, the movie will take approximately four hours because someone pauses it every seven minutes to discuss something completely unrelated.
That’s not a movie night.
That’s a meeting with visual aids.
EAT SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY WANTED
The old version of this story had sushi as the “clean girl illusion” and truffle fries as the “real girl reality.”
I no longer think dinner needs branding.
Order the sushi.
Get the fries.
Make pasta.
Buy the stupid little dessert you stared at for six minutes in the grocery store.
The revolutionary wellness practice here is apparently eating something because you wanted it and not requiring it to correspond with the aesthetic of the evening.
We’ve made enough things content.
Dinner can just be dinner.
DO WE NEED TO DISCUSS OUR LIVES? UNFORTUNATELY.
This is where the face masks really start working.
One minute you’re talking about somebody’s new shoes. Twenty minutes later, somebody says, “Wait, are we actually happy?”
Oh brother.
Here we go.
But maybe this is the part of “self-care” that actually matters.
Not the serum.
Not the candle.
Not buying another thing because someone online called it essential.
Sitting around with people you love long enough for the conversation to go from completely stupid to weirdly meaningful and then immediately back to stupid again.
That feels considerably more useful than manifesting.
AND NO, YOU DO NOT NEED TO COME OUT OF THIS TRANSFORMED
This is the part I think I understand better now.
Every nice thing we do for ourselves does not need to become a habit, ritual, journey or new personality.
You can take one night off without announcing that you’re “prioritizing rest.”
You can put on a face mask without entering your skincare era.
You can hang out with your friends without calling it community care.
You can lie on the couch.
You can eat something.
You can laugh until somebody starts coughing.
And tomorrow, you can go right back to being a person with emails.
No transformation required.
I don’t need a wellness journey.
I needed an evening.
