12 Gifts To Get Your Ex For Christmas
December is the month of giving, and while you’re shelling out your hard-earned cash to make sure your sister, your BFF, and your boss get great gifts, there’s a certain someone who you have no intention of spending money on–your ex. However, why not send your ex-loved one something special this holidays? You know, in the spirit of giving.
1. A Box of all his Old Things
It’s finally time to let go. And while you kept his old sweatshirt around the house for lazy Sundays, don’t act like you don’t have 10 other sweatshirts around your house that you can use instead. Unless you’re going to sell that Tiffany’s necklace for some extra Christmas cash, give him that back too.
2. A Homemade Video of You and Your Current Boo Having Sex
You don’t know what you got ’till it’s gone, right? In case he needed to see your upgrade in full effect, you can send a quick little home movie for his viewing pleasure. Beware of blackmail…unless you plan on following in Kim K’s footsteps.
3. Christmas Cookies Laced with Laxatives
Your relationship was shitty, and his evening will be shitty too (literally) after he wolfs down a box of your cookies.
4. A mix CD of all the songs you listened to while getting through the break-up
Make sure to put on lots of Adele, Alanis Morissette, and Taylor Swift. You know, all those female singers that dudes just love!
5. One of his Nudes Framed
Remember that one time he took a dick pic while in the bathroom of his office building? What better way to commemorate the holidays than by framing that photo properly? Maybe you can send it to his office building directly?
6. A New GF
Since you’re not banging him anymore, you might as well assist him in finding a downgrade. The sketchy personal ads of Craigslist seem like the perfect place to find a new lover for him, maybe send him some condoms too?
7. A Box of Glitter, Shit, or Both
Ah, thank god for the internet. Because everyone’s got enemies, some companies have made our revenge a little easier by allowing us to ship poop or glitter. But, why stop at one? The only thing worse than a desk filled with a glitter or a kitchen filled with shit is a house filled with glitter and shit! Serves him right.
Santa may have had it right all along. Coal is a great classic gift to send to your ex bae on the naughty list. Besides, if you steal some from your next door neighbor’s grill, it won’t cost you anything!
9. A Cockroach Named After Him
The Bronx Zoo allows donors to name a roach, and what better way to commemorate your ex?
10. A Positive Pregnancy Test
Who says April Fools is the only time to play pranks? We think that nothing could make your ex-boo’s Christmas morning more special than thinking he’s going to be a father.
11. Blue Balls
Instead of having break-up sex and regretting it later, just have almost break-up sex and leave him begging for more like a little puppy.
12. A Broken iPhone Charger
We all have about 10 of these laying around the house since Apple loves to keep us purchasing new chargers every month. This way, he’ll be able to charge his phone for all his side-chicks and lame Tinder pick-up lines!
Photo via Youtube