April Fools: These Men Are The Real Jokes
Usually my life is a joke. Everyday. From getting lost in Brooklyn on a reg and wanting to burst into tears, to thinking I was robbed, but finding out a co-worker had my stuff, to even the boys I date.
Today is April Fools’ Day though and after hearing a friend say the guy she saw the night before was “such a joke,” I thought that it was only fair to dedicate an article for these dudes on their holiday.
1. The Booty Caller
It’s past midnight and this guy is casually wondering what you’re up to or where you’re at? Try in bed with zero motivation to participate in your epic fail pick up lines.
2. The Drunk Texter
They finally feel confident enough to maybe say what’s really been on their mind lately. And don’t worry, they will “tell you whastuopeed”. What the f*ck was that? Exactly, I have no idea either. They usually throw in extra letters or just letters in general because their fingers are sliding all over the place as they attempt to text, hold a beer, and sway side to side to Big Sean.
3. The Surprise Sexter
Nah, I did not ask for this sh*t. You know the guys who send you a picture to literally show you “whatsup”. Okay, if that’s still unclear to you, they send you a picture of their boner. Unexpected, unannounced, it’s not even the guy you like or are talking to you, and you’re usually visiting your grandmother at her retirement home.
4. The Cheap Date
B*tch better have my money. No, but really because he just made you pay for dinner, drinks, and a one month metro card. The last part should be a dead give away to ditch him though.
5. The Emotionally Unavailable
He either still rants on about his ex-girlfriend, can’t commit to anything “too serious” right now, or never opens up to you about anything. Or all of the above. He’s almost like Volchok from The O.C. but nowhere near as hot.
6. The Overly Emotional Man
He just wishes we could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. Then he may start to cry and you end up holding him. You’re not dating a man, you’re dating yourself when you’re on your period.
7. The Guy Who Doesn’t Reciprocate
He wants head, but refuses to return the favor? Probably one of the biggest jokes I’ve ever heard.
8. The Disappearing Act Man
You would think he’s just stashing the rest of his fortune in a far away island, doesn’t have phone reception there, and is thinking about how much he misses you. Nah, your girlfriends saw him at the club last night.
So today is supposed to be one big joke filled with laughs and pranks. But let us not forget the real jokes today: the men of our past, present, and future. Can I get an “lol”?