8 Pregnancy Scare Stories That Will Make You Glad It Wasn’t You

Our high school sex ed teachers may have not exactly said, “If you have sex, you’ll get pregnant, and die,” but it wasn’t too far off.

Because of this horrendous fear of pregnancy instilled in us from a young age, nearly every girl has had a pregnancy scare. I mean shit, sometimes we get pregnancy scares when we haven’t even had sex. Regardless, you’re sure to empathize (and laugh) at these hilarious pregnancy scares.

1. Kalteen Bars?

“My boyfriend asked me if I was pregnant because I gained, like, 10 lbs out of nowhere. It was so weird. That weekend I went home and me and him sat in my bathroom as I took three tests and all three said I was pregnant. We planned an entire speech for our parents and everything and we told them all together in my living room like the show ‘Intervention,’ but then I went to my gyno and she said, ‘you’re not pregnant at all, you retained 10 lbs of water weight somehow.’ Don’t trust drug store pregnancy tests!”

2. Revenge Baby

“There was this guy I was in love with for years and I lost my virginity to him. A week later we went to Cancun for our senior trip and he fucked my BFF. I got wasted at a party and in my drunken mind I thought it was a great idea to tell him that I was pregnant as revenge. After I told him, he was freaking out and called me 30 times. I was so drunk someone’s mom took me home and I started bonding with her about how the guy fucked my best friend, then the mom started crying and saying that her husband was fucking her friend too. We both sobbed. When I was sober the next day I told him it was a joke and he wanted to kill me.”

3. Breakin’ The Piggy Bank

“I had sex with this guy and he made a weird face when he came so I was like, ‘Obv this is over I can’t do this.’ So I get up to leave and he’s like, ‘Wait, I don’t know if it broke or not, take Plan B.’ I’m like, ‘okay.’ He gets money from his fucking change jar and is like, ‘okay, here ya go.’ I thought I was pregnant and freaked myself out so bad that I got my period two weeks late from stress and the whole time I was like, ‘ewww it would be with that weird guy who I called the ‘vinegar stroke man.'”

4. Best Years Of Your Life

“I was a freshman in high school and I had a pregnancy scare and somehow my boyfriend’s sister and all her friends (they were seniors) found out and the next day they grabbed me in front of the whole school in the cafeteria and forced me into the bathroom and locked me in a stall and wouldn’t let me out until I took a test. There were like 20 seniors in there and I took it and ran out of the bathroom and they came back into the cafeteria and announced to everyone, ‘It’s negative!’ That set the tone and my reputation for the next four years of high school.”

5. Not The Reaction We Expected

“It was the day before Valentine’s Day and I kept saying that I had to tell [my boyfriend] something (I think it was that we had dinner plans next week or something dumb like that). At night we were walking up the steps to my bedroom and I said, “oh, remind me to tell you that thing” and he goes, “you’re starting to scare me should I be nervous?” Then I was thinking to myself this could be fun. So, we get to my room and I go ‘so remember the other week when you saw that pregnancy test in my room and I said it was Noelle’s? Well, it’s not, it was mine. I was going to wait for Valentine’s Day so it could be your present. But the test was positive babe, I’m pregnant.” Instead of the freak out and panic that I expected, tears of joy start rolling down his face and he gets this huge smile and picks me up and was like, ‘Baby, this is incredible, this is the greatest thing.’ He’s legit crying so happy and is like, ‘I can’t believe this, this is amazing, how long have you known? I can’t believe this are you serious?!’ And I was like ‘….no…..’ And he was like ‘what?’ I had to be like, ‘I’m sorry, I was just fucking with you.’ He got very angry and wouldn’t talk to me and then I cried to my mom and sister about how much of an asshole I am. I have not made a pregnancy joke again to say the least.”

6. It’s Not a Baby, It’s a Monster

“A good friend of mine from high school was freaking out because she missed her period by two weeks. She asked me to go with her to pick up a test. So we went after school and were in CVS for 45 minutes to an hour because she was pacing up and down the aisle afraid that she was going to be judged harshly by the old lady at the counter (this was before there was self checkout). Eventually she gets the courage to grab the test and pay for it and she was too afraid to take it at her house, so she decided that the best place to take the test was in the McDonalds bathroom down the road. She bought a three pack of tests and asked me to take one for shits and giggles so she would feel less awkward and saved the third one to take again the following day to make sure she got the same results. So, I take mine, obviously negative. She takes hers and is so scared to look at it that she asks me to take it from her. She’s still in the stall and starts waving the test under the door frantically flinging pee everywhere. So gross. A lady walks in, sees this, walks back out instantly. I finally get her to calm down so I can grab the test from her without getting covered in her pee, and wait the two minutes. The test comes out as negative, she’s all happy throwing a mini party in this ratchet McDonald’s bathroom and then suddenly it dawns on her that something is wrong with her if she’s not pregnant because she wasn’t on birth control and didn’t get her period. Turns out, she had a horrible UTI caused by the ridiculous amounts of sugar intake from drinking two large Monster energy drinks every other day for three months straight.”

7. Another McDonald’s Story

“I had just gotten out of a long high school relationship and for some reason or another I was worried that I was pregnant. Although the pregnancy test that I took was negative, I didn’t want to throw it out in my house for fear that my mom would see it in the trash can. Instead, I took it with me that night and asked my guy friend to drop me off at McDonald’s so I could throw it out in the bathroom there. For some reason or another we didn’t stop, and I just shoved the test under the seat in his car, which was actually his mom’s car. Turns out that later that month, his dad found the test and thought that it was his mom’s. He apparently awkwardly confronted her offended that she didn’t tell him she had a pregnancy scare, etc. Oops.”

8. Snitching Sister

“I’m paranoid and will take a pregnancy test if I’m a few days late every once in a while. Once I was five days late so my roommate and I headed to Rite Aid and got a box with two pregnancy tests and a Wawa mac and cheese for comfort just in case. Obviously I wasn’t pregnant, but I saved the second test for some other time. I brought it home with me over the summer and one day my sister was snooping in my room and found it. I explained to her how I am cautious and life went on. Then, a few months ago, I’m in the car with my sister and my boyfriend’s sister (we’re pretty close) and I don’t know how it was brought up, but my sister, without thinking, started laughing about how she found a pregnancy test once. My boyfriend’s sister started freaking out screaming at me saying she doesn’t want to hear this and that her brother and I are disgusting and that if I don’t go on birth control she is going to tell her mom I’ve had pregnancy scares.”

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