It sucks that it’s 2018 and 54% of women hide sex toys from their partner

Hi there! *taps on mic*

We’re all familiar with sex *points at no one in particular* she gets it. Did you know that sex is a really fun thing that a lot of people enjoy? But you can’t have sex all the time, because then when would you eat, or watch “Viceland,” or read Galore articles? So what do we do?

Luckily, it’s 2018, Elon Musk is alive, and we have technology to help with that shit. And that technology is sex toys.

Now there’s Narnia, and then there’s the world of sex toys: an ostensibly diversified one, ranging from basic human necessity to niiiiche, and to go into all of those nuances would be to start my own sex column here where that’s literally all I talk about for days on end with no break, and although I do like the sound of that plotline I don’t possess the knowledge necessary to sustain it.

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But this is why we have resources like Too Timid, that do.

Too Timid is one of the world’s top online sex toy retailers. (That’s a fucking awesome title, like yes winning a Nobel Prize is cool but have you ever sold a bunch of fucking sex toys to deserving women all over the world? Doesn’t that arguably do even more for the greater good of humanity? Moving on).

I guess it’s implied in the name, but even though sex toys are widely loved and enjoyed by tons of people, it seems as though there’s still a weird stigma when it comes to women using them.

In a 2018 study, Too Timid surveyed 1,000 women and found that 54% of participants hide their sex toys from their partner. That’s over 1 in 2, and is quite frankly a lot of fucking women. This means that to many women, this number may not be surprising. But why is this so?

Embarrassment seemed to be the most common theme. Of the women interviewed, many said they felt their partner would be extremely uncomfortable if they found their sex toy:

“He’s not at all comfortable about them, he’d be embarrassed. I take great pains to make sure this does not happen,” Miranda Brie said (whose name has been changed for privacy reasons) as she described what it would be like if her partner found her hidden sex toys.

Another participant wrote, “He knew I had them but didn’t want to know that I used them and there was no way he would have used them with me.”

It then became evident that another concern was a feeling that their partners would feel threatened or insecure regarding their sex toy:

“I know a lot of people can feel insecure when toys are brought into the picture, they feel like they aren’t good enough to please their partner,” one participant said.

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On the other hand, some women have had enough.

Christy Bree used to hide her sex toys, “But now I have a better partner,” she says. “With my ex, I hid a very simple basic vibrator. It wasn’t even phallic in shape, and I only used it to vibe my clit. But I was anxious about sharing it with him. Then he found it and immediately wanted me to get rid of it because it was ‘bigger’ than him.”

It appears that many women perceive that their partner will feel threatened or judge them for using sex toys. Unfortunately, this find isn’t surprising, as it’s a perception is rooted in internalized misogyny and has been reinforced by the general idea that women shouldn’t talk openly about sexual pleasure, while the topic remains a somewhat aggressively prevalent part of the male dialogue. It’s long been established that this double standard is mutually harmful.

Though it’s completely understandable to want to avoid embarrassment and/or the judgment that may come with sharing female sex toys with a partner, acting as though they don’t exist perpetuates the idea that women are somehow less deserving of pleasure, and can be shamed for it if they choose to seek pleasure from anywhere other than their male partner.

One participant, Betty Frederick, says: “If I have to hide it then I’m in the wrong relationship.” We knew we liked her.

Sex and relationship experts at Too Timid who know a lot more than I do have some advice on how to handle the situation. You should have nothing to be worried or embarrassed about, and even though it’s a difficult conversation to have that’s much easier said than done, the best thing you can do is be open and honest and explain that you, too are human!

And while the experts underscore the importance of listening to your partner’s needs, it’s important not to forget your own and to help men understand that women need satisfaction too, and that at some point they’ll just have to suck it up, no pun intended.

The goal is to make you the most comfortable and satisfied you can be in your relationship, for the good of your relationship. And just think about all of the crazy, shitty things that people do in relationships: sex toys should be the least of our worries.

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