Why You Can’t Actually Count Sex As Cardio Like Khloe Kardashian
When you’re avoiding the gym, it’s easy to want to count everything as a workout. Your sprint to the bus stop this morning? Totally a workout. Your drunk twerking till 3 a.m. at the club last night? Totally a workout. The drunk sex you had last night? That was a workout too, right? After all, you were on top for a little bit there, at least you think so.
In a recent post on her website, Khloe Kardashian gushed about how she had her trainer figure out the positions that burn the most calories during sex. She even provided a handy dandy sex calculator on her website so that you can feel way better about skipping the gym to hang out with your dreamy Bumble date instead. But unfortunately, most “normal people” sex doesn’t actually substitute for a hard workout sesh.
Khloe explained that while she’s not into missionary, which “burns way more calories for men – somewhere between 100-300 in an hour,” she loves reverse cowgirl. It will “not only get the job done 😜 , it’ll give your core a hardcore workout,” Khloe wrote.
According to this sex calculator, if you’re slender and doing reverse cowgirl at a “passionate and intense” pace for five minutes, you burn 47 calories. That’s not even half of your measly Special K bar. If you were to ride your man for over 30 minutes, you could burn up to 80 calories. But let’s be real, hardly any of us have the stamina or the leg muscles to ride a dick for 30 minutes straight at a fast pace, and that’s not even taking a dude’s endurance into consideration. For those of us that do have sex for over thirty minutes, you’re probably not on top the whole time.
Sure, sex burns calories, but so does sleeping. Unless you’re making love all through the night, you’re definitely not burning more calories than you would going to the gym or taking a jog. In a study done by Dr. Brendan Zietsch, it was found that the average sex lasts 5.4 minutes, which is a lot less than you’re going to need if you want to substitute doggy style for down dog.
The study was done by having 500 couples from around the world time their sex for a two week period. Obviously, this was probably a bit awkward, and probably not perfect, but sex and science don’t always mesh perfectly. The interesting thing is that some couples had a huge range between their shortest and longest sex sessions. The average time per couple ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes.
While you’re probably thinking to yourself how sorry you feel for that girl who only had sex for 33 seconds, 44 minutes of sex doesn’t sound very pleasant or painless either. That chick who took a pounding for 44 minutes can maybe skip the gym today. As for the lady who got 33 seconds of dick, she’d better put her panties back on and get to Soul Cycle stat.
Unless you’re seriously bringing a timer into the bedroom with you and double-checking, your sex probably isn’t lasting as long as you think it is (especially if you live in Turkey, which was the only country with a super low average of 3.7 minutes). Top off your gym session with some sweaty sex if you want, but don’t lie to yourself and swap reverse cowgirl for reverse lunges, you’re better than that.