How To Survive A Vacation With Your Bae’s Family
No matter how much you love your boo’s mom and/or family, spending an entire week with them can be rough.
Spending a week with your own family is exhaustingÂ enough, but at least with your own family you can be the anti-social, introverted, kinda high-maintenance brat that you are instead of pretending to be a cheery, polite, pretty young thing for your bae’s parents.
Sure, you can maintain the faÃ§ade for a dinner with them, or even a weekend visit, but an entire week takes some serious willpower and sanity. We talked to Dr. Sheri Meyers, marriage & family therapist, about how to survive an extended stay with your boo’s fam without losing it.
Get Your Boo On Your Team
TheÂ main problem that occurs in these types of situations is that even though your bae wants to be on your side, he probs is so used to his family and their annoying habits that he won’t be able to tell when you need saving from his Aunt Jodie who won’t stop talking about her obsession with internet scams.
“Prepare to work as a tag team to cover each otherâ€™s back,” suggests Sheri. “Develop a secret signal (hand sign or random word) that says, ‘I need some help here. Step in nowÂ please.’â€
Just like you might have a safe word in bed, develop some kind of safe word or signal to signify to your boo that you need some saving. Sure, you could try doing “the eyes,” but dudes are idiots and can’t be expected to pick up on that shit.
Also, unlike your safe wordÂ for kinky sex, your safe word/phrase needs to not be totally random. Think of something that you would actually utter in normal conversation to your bae, like “can you get me a glass of water/wine,” “what time is it,” or “is it still sunnyÂ outside?”
Sneak In Alone Time Whenever Possible
The best planning you can do is to have multiple legitimate excuses for spending alone time so that you get the necessary time to re-charge without looking like a weirdo/loner/bitch.
Good examples of alone time excuses would be taking a phone call (if you can blame it on work that’s even better), going for a run/walk/some form of exercise, or just pretending to sleep later than you actually do in order to get some extra time alone in your bed.
Also, make sure your S.O realizes that you want alone time with them. Again, since they’re with their own family, they’re probs clueless. Tell them that you want a day where you can do stuff just you two so you can get some time away from the fam while also getting some re-charging time with the one person you don’t have to put on a front for.
Remember That You DGAF About Their Opinion
Don’t get too wrapped up in if your bae’s parents like you or not. Sure, it’d be good if they did, but they’re also not the ones dating you. Unless your boo is some momma’s boy loser, he’s not going to care that much whether his mom is obsessed with you vs. if she puts up with you. But if they invited you on vacation, I’m sure they don’t hate you.
If his mom is the worst, I’m sorry, but remember that she’s not the one you have to date, and if it’s really an issue you can tell your boo you don’t wanna spend too much fam time after the tripÂ is over.
“If an in-law makes a disparaging remark, is particularly obnoxious or even salacious, rather than attacking, simply smile and reply with a neutral comment, such as, ‘Hmmm?’ as you imagine it sliding off you,” suggests Sheri. “Later, once the visit is over you can deal with it privately and more directly.”
Don’t Sit ThereÂ Like A Dummy
It can be hard to feel like a part of the convo if 10 membersÂ of your boo’s family are all talking about that one time they all went to Disneyworld. It can even be hard to strike up a genuine convo when it’s just one-on-one you and his dad.
Prepare for convos with fam members just like you would prepare for a job interview. Maybe not as diligently, but you know what I mean. Plus, asking questions is a surefire way to get someone to like you, and you won’t have to deal with as many prying questions coming your way if you’re doing all the asking.
“Think about questions to ask beforehand to get your partnerâ€™s parents talking about their interests, their lives, favorite holiday rituals, to help everyone know each other and find the common ground,” says Sheri. “Everybody likes loving, attentive interest.”
Remember The 3 P’s
Think of the three P’s as your new mantra.
“Be Prepared, have a Plan, and know your Purpose,” our expert says. “This will help you shift from being reactive to proactive.”
If you just go in blindly to a bae-cation, you’re probs going to lose your shit and end up spending 24 hours a day with your BF’s mom because you want to be nice. Instead,Â plan ahead so that you have excuses for alone time, know how you’re going to contribute to fam time, and don’t make a fucking mess.