How To Make Your Boyfriend’s Parents Go From Hating You To Loving You
I write about sex for a living.
Sometimes it’s dating, sometimes it’s fitness, sometimes it’s pop culture; but the majority of the time I’m writing about “6 Positions Better Than 69” or “How To Make Your Boyfriend’s Big Dick Less Painful.” My parents know what I do, and I’m sure they’d rather have me work as a nurse, or an accountant, but for the most part they don’t really give a fuck about my personal life as long as I’m healthy & happy.
I used to worry about potential employers seeing my work and viewing me as “unprofessional,” but then I realized that I don’t want to work somewhere where they view sex as taboo and where I can’t be myself.
There were a couple of awkward times where my grandmother shared an article or two of mine on Facebook in solidarity, but other than that me and my penchant for writing about fornication has been smooth sailing… until my boyfriend’s parents decided to look me up online.
My boyfriend is the baby of his family, he has no sisters, and he’s never brought a girlfriend home before. Combine that with the fact that he’s the ultimate momma’s boy and his mom is social media savvy, and you’ll see why within a week of him telling his mom about us, he was getting an angry phone call from his dad who was lecturing him about his choice in women.
I’ve dated plenty of guys that my dad hated, but because I don’t like to start drama or make things unnecessarily awkward, I never told my boyfriend’s how much my dad gave me shit for them. My current boyfriend on the other hand, felt like it was his duty to tell me about his parents’ worry (a.k.a. hate) for me as soon as he got off the phone.
Initially, I was pissed. First off, why the fuck would he tell me that? Second, if his parents can’t accept me for who I am and what I do, I don’t want to meet them. After I cooled off, I realized how upset that my BF was about the whole situation (he cares a lot about what his family thinks), and I felt bad for him. I tried to chill out and tell him that it was fine and we’d figure it out.
He was convinced that once his parents met me, they would love me. This concerned me, as I had about one appropriate outfit to wear in front of his parents, on top of the fact that I’m super introverted and horrible at making conversation with strangers. Still, because I love my boyfriend (as if you couldn’t tell), I agreed to meet his parents for dinner with him so that they could meet “the real me” and “see how great I am” (lol).
Honestly, although the dinner went relatively smoothly, I still had my doubts. I mean, they were parents, just because they didn’t like me didn’t mean that they were going to death-stare me or pull out Regina George’s burn book, they were mature enough to at least pretend they liked me.
Somehow, a couple weeks later my boyfriend convinced me to go visit his parents for the weekend to celebrate his dad’s birthday (see above: the fact that I really love him). I probably made him confirm with his parents that I was actually invited about five times before agreeing, but soon enough I was searching my closet for any type of shirt that covered my boobs and packing a suitcase.
Now, I could give you all the details of that weekend, complete with my stellar performance where I avoided going to Sunday morning church with them because I “had work to do,” (okay, I actually did have work, but the fact that I was worried I’d burn at the cross also came to mind), but I’ll summarize how I changed his parents’ mind about me instead.
1. I Ate Everything
Okay, who honestly likes that one girl who has ten dietary restrictions, thinks burgers are “gross,” and eats two bites of salad before saying she’s full? Thankfully, I will literally eat anything and everything in sight, and a lot of it. My boyfriend’s mother, being the perfect guy’s mother that she is, is always cooking and regularly sends Tupperwares full of food back to school with my boyfriend.
That weekend, anything she cooked, I ate. I also made sure to compliment her on how delicious everything was in between bites of bruschetta chicken and navy bean soup.
At the end of the weekend, I know she must have liked me because she specifically set aside multiple Tupperwares of food for me to take back to school with me.
2. I Showed That I Was Obsessed With Their Son As They Were
The reason that my boo’s parents were so skeptical of me is because they’re protective of their perfect little boy. Seriously, his mom still buys his groceries for him and his dad still follows the stats of his high school wrestling team.
Maybe they were worried that I was taking advantage of their son for some new sex article I was writing? Who knows honestly, but I had to show them that I actually cared about their son in the way that they did (okay, maybe not the exact same way, but you get the idea).
When they put on a highlight video of my boyfriend’s wrestling matches from the age of six, I ooh-ed and aah-ed. When they showed me baby pictures of my man before he was such a hunk, I giggled and gushed. It’s not that I’m not obsessed with my boyfriend, I just figured playing it up for his devoted parents wouldn’t hurt, you know?
3. Let Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words
As soon as my boyfriend’s parents saw how happy I made him, they realized they had nothing to worry about. The upside to my boyfriend being so close to his parents is that it didn’t take them long to realize that despite my expertise on blow jobs and orgasms, I actually made their son really fucking happy (I wonder if they realized that there’s a correlation between the two).
To be honest, I still don’t know if his parents “love” me, but no matter what I do they’re definitely never going to love me as much as they love their own son, so I’ve cut my losses. The main thing is that they willingly invite me to family functions, they don’t call him to lecture him about my online presence, and they aren’t submitting him to be featured on that old MTV show “Parental Control”… at least not yet.