‘Scream Queens’ Season 2 Premiere: Our List of Slasher Suspects

This week, “Scream Queens” finally made its highly awaited return, and I’m here to recap the season two premiere for you. So duh, spoilers ahead.

The episode was a little slow, and not as fun as last season’s premiere but that’s probably because the show had to do a catch-up as well as an introduction. It was still the biting and satirical social commentary that made last season so great — I’m thinking specifically of Dean Munsch saying she ditched her whole feminism schtick because “feminism is just so boring.”

So in a nutshell we learned that Dean Munsch is now Dr. Dean Munsch, the Chanels were found innocent through a “Making A Murderer”-type TV show, Zayday is in medical school and Grace is (thankfully) nowhere to be found. Also missing is Chad — though he was in season two promos so I’m sure he’ll show up soon.

The slasher is now the Green Meanie which honestly sounds like a Sesame Street character, and there are a number of new and all equally suspicious characters. Anyways I know it seems premature but I feel like we have enough to start taking blind jabs at the identity of the Slasher.

Nurse Hoffel

Okay so nurse Hoffel is my primary suspect right now. She has a physical resemblance to the widowed wife from the 1980’s flashback and if she is, the motive is really strong. They threw the father of her unborn child into some sort of radioactive swamp so she could be back to exact revenge.

Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner)

I’m not sure if I made this up but I’m pretty said couple from the Halloween flashback referred to their child as son/he. So if that’s true it makes total sense that Dr. Cassidy Cascade would be the slasher. Possibly working with Nurse Hoffel, his mother. Cassidy definitely seems dead in the eyes not to mention his weird “I’m colder than ice” thing — definitely not a good sign. Also Dr. Cassidy Cascade did refer to himself as “female viagra” and we know from IRL experience that any dude that says shit like that is definitely a serial killer.

Dr. Brock Holt

This one is the most obvious so possibly the least possible but you never know — I called Hester as the slasher from like episode 1 last season. I mean HE HAS A PHANTOM HAND. Seriously I bet the hand came from some Hannibal Lecter type serial killer

Dean Munsch

All right I really only have two very weak pieces of evidence to support this one. First she created this whole hospital situation and she must have known that she built it near/behind/on top of some haunted murder swamp. Second Nurse Hoffel made a comment along the lines of “Munsch must have brought the Chanels here to kill them,” considering the way the episode ended (RIP Chanel #5 maybe?) it’s not that far of a stretch.

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