The Pretty Little Liars Are Playing Psycho Truth or Dare This Season
Praise the gods because Pretty Little Liars is back bitches.
Last night, PLL had its FINAL mid-season premiere and shit got (un)real.
Here’s what happened:
Aria’s engagement to her hot as fuck high school english teacher is in a bad place.
Last season she found out his supposedly dead ex-fiancée was actually not dead and after wrestling with herself over whether or not to tell him about it, she did, which sort of blew up in her face immediately.
Even though he was like, “nothing’s gonna change bb I love you always forever,” he went off to visit his ex and he was gone so long Aria was about to frickin move out.
Magically he shows up just as she’s about to leave, but instead of being like, “let’s reconnect, we have lots to talk about, don’t worry I still wanna be with you,” he was like, “hi, bye, wait, where the fuck are you going, p.s. don’t care because I’m about go to New York to chill with my ex and her fam, but don’t worry. K, deuces, babe.”
Obvs she doesn’t take his advice and proceeds to be very worried, as any sane person would.
Oh, plus this guy from season 2 she used to faux date is back in the picture.
His name is Holden and you probably don’t remember him so here’s the 411.
He and Aria used to go on a bunch of “dates” back in season 2.
Aria’s friends thought he was gay, but he was actually just super involved in this random Korean martial arts scene, which was super dangerous because he has some heart condition where his heart could burst at literally any time no matter what he’s doing.
Anyway, he’s not even important and disappears from the plot just as suddenly as he was brought into it.
But now he’s back for some unknown reason.
He’s single, helping Aria plan her wedding, and probably already in love with her, so clearly that’s all going to end well.
He’s probably involved with A.D. somehow, but then again, who even knows? Nothing that happens on this show makes sense.
Things aren’t going so great for Spencer either.
Arguably, things are going a whole lot worse.
Like a whole lot.
Spencer just found out her mother isn’t her mother and her father had an affair with a crazy lady because he thought she was actually their next door neighbor he’d had an affair with.
As if that’s not bad enough, Spencer pays a little visit to the hot detective she’s fucking and he pushes a gun in an evidence bag towards her and was like, “you recognize this bb?”
And she’s like, “yeah, that’s the gun that shot me, duh.”
And then he was like, “actually it’s not. You got shot by a different gun. There were two people there the night you got shot sooooo your killer is actually still on the loose, sorry about it.”
So when she gets a text from A.D. being like, “you wanna play this psychotic death game I sent you and all your friends?” Spencer’s like, “my life is in the toilet, so YOLO.”
But wait, let’s talk about that for a second.
The psychotic death game A.D. sent the girls as a going away present
A.D. is a very thoughtful psychopath, so he decided to give the girls a going away present seeing as this is the last season of the show and all.
It’s an electronic board game of Rosewood with figurines for all the girls and if it wasn’t going to probably get somebody killed, it would be really cute.
All the girls make a decision not to play it because they like being alive, but Spencer breaks first because her entire life fell apart and A.D. caught her at a vulnerable moment.
OK, now back to Spencer.
Spencer pt. 2
Spencer picks up the phone attached to the game, puts it on the home space, and the phone magically lights up and asks her to pick truth or dare.
Yeah, that’s right.
This is a truth or dare-based board game.
Could A.D. be any more immature?
Anyway, since she’s a pretty little liar, Spencer picked dare, so she had to go to the hospital to visit her ex boyfriend whose fiancée is in a coma.
Nothing crazy happens there and Spencer gets rewarded with a letter from the crazy woman who birthed her who’s currently on the run and maybe, just maybe was the one who actually shot Spencer.
And you thought your family life was rough.
Not much is going on with Hanna in comparison.
She’s fucking Caleb again, who is still hot, very nice, and supportive of her dreams.
He tells her she needs to stop worrying about all this A.D. stuff and try and get her career as a fashion designer off the ground and so Hanna’s like, “k bb.”
She runs into Mona while she’s sketching and Mona’s also like, “yes, Hanna, you need to try and get your career as a fashion designer off the ground, let me work some magic,” and so Hanna’s like, “k bb.”
Mona hooks Hanna up with this senator’s daughter who wants to wear Hanna’s dress to an event, but she also makes it seem like she’s the boss of the label and Hanna’s just her minion, so obviously something’s up there.
Also, did we ever figure out wtf Caleb and Mona were working on together, because if we did, I was way too stoned to remember it.
Anyway, I smell trouble.
Emily isn’t really up to a whole lot either.
She got a job at her high school working in the same department as her ex-girlfriend, which makes Allie super pissed, because her and Emily are like kind of having their lesbian moment right now.
That’s about it.
Allie is stirring up trouble, like usual, and also pregnant with her ex-husband’s baby, who actually turned out to be a complete psycho who was tortured her and wanted to kill everybody, so the girls killed him instead and then pretended like he just took off to France.
But he didn’t and A.D. has proof.
And that’s what you missed.
Spencer’s the only person who’s personal life has completely fallen apart, but everybody else’s can’t be that far off.
Until next week, bitches.