I Played A Kegel Video Game With My Vagina And It Was Fun AF
Kegels and fun are not exactly two words you hear together very often. In fact, in a list of things you can do with your pussy that are enjoyable, kegels are near the tail end of the list, far after masturbating and only slightly above going to the gynecologist.
Like most exercises, strengthening your pelvic floor muscles is not an exciting activity, and most women can agree that we’d rather be watching a movie or on a bad Tinder date rather than spending just 10 minutes monotonously contracting our pelvic floor muscles.
Why do we need to strengthen our pelvic floor muscles anyways?
A strong pelvic floor is supposed to help prepare your body for the pregnancy, childbirth, aging, and even impact sports. But as a 22-year-old, I’m not thinking about childbirth, and I don’t play any sports. But a stronger pelvic floor can also mean more orgasms, so I’m definitely interested. Just like you work your abs or your arms at the gym, working your pelvic floor muscles is important. You may not be able to flaunt them in your bikini this summer, but you’ll be thankful later in life if you begin working them now.
But as we’ve established, doing pelvic exercises can be tedious, especially when you don’t see results. What if you could workout your most private areas in a way that was actually kind of fun? The creators of Elvie decided to do just that.
Last fall, Chiaro, a female-led London start-up, developed Elvie. Elvie is a small, egg-shaped device with a slightly creepy tail that connects with a smartphone app via Bluetooth in order to make pelvic floor exercises fun and easy.
It sounds complex, but after using Elvie I can say that it’s probably one of the simplest electronics I’ve ever come into contact with.
If I’m being honest, I let Elvie sit on my shelf for quite some time. I consistently told myself I didn’t have time to figure that little piece of technology out, and certainly no time to exercise my vagina daily. But, once I actually had a deadline from my editor and a reason to take the pretty mint-colored egg out of its sleek packaging, it took me less than 10 minutes to use Elvie for the first time.
Like any electronic, Elvie needed to be charged prior to its first use (damn technology). After plugging Elvie’s cord into my iPhone charger box, it was ready for use. I downloaded the app and got to work. The app directed me to squeeze Elvie with my hands first (after washing my hands, obvi), to see how it worked. I’m no stranger to technology, but it was pretty cool watching the gem (see screenshot below) go up and down on the screen in time with my squeezing.
Now, it was time to actually put the device where it was supposed to go. I was a bit nervous at first, but I had finished having sex about 10 minutes before trying Elvie, so I was pretty lubricated and I just went for it.
Elvie is not much larger than a tampon and it’s actually surprisingly comfortable. In fact, Elvie is much smaller than its competitors, three times smaller to be exact, explained Chiaro to Tech Crunch.
So, now that I had a pelvic floor exerciser in my vagina and I had sufficiently weirded out my boyfriend while he watched my put some weird egg-shaped thing inside of me shortly after sex, it was time to play the games. Because yeah, Elvie comes equipped with vagina video games.
Everything I needed to was explained to me step-by-step from the app. All I had to do was press “let’s get started” and it began the workout. It told me when to squeeze, when to relax, and when to “pulse.” Because I was so lubricated, I was a bit worried that Elvie would slip out when I was relaxing, so I chose to wear my panties while “playing” the games. I also probably could have put on the silicone cap that comes with Elvie, which makes the device larger for fit.
Honestly, I’m glad that my boyfriend was around to witness me try Elvie for the first time, because I had to shout my amazement to somebody. I was literally playing games with my vagina muscles, how cool is that? The games range from a modified helicopter type game to a digital version of one of those “hammer” carnival games. I won’t lie and say that it was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life, but it was a lot more fun than sitting and doing kegels on the subway or stalking my ex-boyfriend on Instagram.
The next day when I used Elvie (alone this time), it weirdly turned me on. It kind of reminded me of those egg vibrators that come with a remote control where you can have your partner play with you from afar. Granted, Elvie certainly does not vibrate and is not meant for arousal. I may have just been horny or become subject to my constantly dirty mind.
The third day I used Elvie, I got distressed. My device didn’t seem to be registering the contractions, and I thought that maybe I needed to charge my Elvie. I even took the egg out and squeezed it in my hand just to make sure that it was working. Nothing was wrong with my product, it was just my weak ass pelvic floor muscles… tragic.
Co-founder Tania Boler explained to Tech Crunch that your pelvic floor muscles are constantly changing, and the LV ‘score’ can be problematic since your strength can very depending on the time of day or stress levels.
I clung on to Boler’s “time of day” reasoning. The first two times I used Elvie it was in the evening, and the following two times where I struggled I was using it in the morning. Perhaps my pelvic muscles were stronger at the end of the day? Or maybe my muscles were sore from all the exercising I had been giving them so suddenly?
Either way, I was not deterred. Just like you can have a shitty day at the gym, I guess you can have a bad day for your pelvic floor muscles.
The creators of Elvie boast about how you can use the product on the go, but I don’t really see the necessity for that. I agree that the product is comfortable enough that you could probably wear it all day without issues, but it’s not like a tampon where you need to wear it all day. Instead, I think popping it in for some early morning kegels is the way to go; or perhaps winding down with some “games” after a long day.
I wish more exercises had accompanying video games. It would be so much more fun to do abs if I could beat my “high score” or hit targets on a screen. Seriously, fitness apps should take note.
In the meantime, I’ll probably still work on my pelvic floor with Elvie. I may not do it everyday, but ten minutes of playing games seems worth it for maintaining the health of one of my most important organs.