Ok, Let’s Talk About Bruno Mars
Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared inÂ Vice,Â The Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl.Â CalifornianÂ bred, NYC residing.Â @RulaOfTheWorld
Well that SuperBowl game was pathetic. Honestly for once I didnâ€™t feel bad about not knowing what was going on in a football game because nothing was going on. The Halftime Show was by far the most exciting part of the entire game, with a joint performance with Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah. Bruno Mars, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Ok so first of all I am convinced that Bruno Mars is a time traveler. Letâ€™s be real here, the guy was literally preserved in an ice coffin and reemerged into the world a few years ago right? Who is he? The hair, the suits, the incessant doo-wop thing that makes me feel nostalgic for a decade I didnâ€™t even belong to. Iâ€™m not going to lie, I felt confused watching him bounce up and down next to Anthony Kiedis like a Neematoad. What decade am I looking at right now? Also is anyone going to comment on this musical pairing? No? Nobody? Alright then.
Look I have nothing against Bruno Mars. I think he has a great voice, I love his metallic blazers, his hairdo is fun. But like, whatâ€™s his deal? He starts out the show on the drums and Iâ€™ll admit that was awesome. Then he goes into â€œLocked Out of Heavenâ€ a song that I coincidentally enough imagine to be blasting in hell for all of eternity. In 2013, Mars told GQ that singing that song was sexy and that â€œSex is a great party starter.â€ We get it Bruno, a year later and youâ€™re still starting the party with the same song.
Then â€œTreasureâ€ comes on and itâ€™s good and even some Bronco fans are dancing. Then the Red Hot Chili Peppers come out and everyone screams and then I blink andâ€”surpriseâ€”itâ€™s back to Bruno standing alone under a spotlight. HELLO? This joint performance was already weird and it also didnâ€™t really happen. Who did Bruno threaten with a machete to get three songs while the Chili Peppers only got one? So pissed.
I will say that despite my confusion that show was the only interesting thing about this heinous football game. And at the end of the day I get it, Bruno Mars is a cool guy. Heâ€™s kind of a badass who gets busted for coke and at the same time he looks like a cute little Milk Dud. Bruno Mars is mainstream pop personified; cute, energetic, a little coked out, and a couple of steps, or decades, behind where weâ€™re meant to be.