What It’s Like To Use An “Elite” Dating App
An elite dating app is basically the social hierarchy of 2017.
It is NOT a dating app that anyone can join like Tinder. You have to be approved by the social media overloads. This is usually based on waist size or wallet size, depending on the app.
My elite dating app of choice is The League.
The League is supposedly named because they only accept members from Ivy League schools. LIES. But, there is a waitlist, you have to attach your LinkedIn profile, and there’s a lot of white guys.
What is the app actually like?
Well as you wait to sign on it says “loading potential soulmates”. There is no gif with a big enough eye roll for me to even insert here.
Everyday at 5 p.m. you are presented with five specimens. You get their name, age, location, college, job title, RELIGION, height, interests, mutual friends if applicable, and six pictures.
Basically, this is the app you want if you’re looking for a sperm donor — someone who’s good on paper, if nowhere else. Someone to take home to mom.
What makes this app better?
It comes with pics like any other dating app, but unlike Tinder, there are waaaaaay fewer mirror selfies and more pics of dudes actually accomplishing sh*t. Climbing mountains or cheering at the Super Bowl. That part’s cool.
Usually, conversations are less immediately about sex and more about grabbing a drink. Yes, you get those douchey finance guys that immediately ask you for a quickie. But usually guys ask me about my day before attempting to ask me out to drinks.
I am always called by my full name by the elite rather than a gross “cutie” or “baby”. I don’t know you fool. I ain’t your baby.
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So these drink dates… well, like all first dates they are kinda awks. The bars the guys on The League choose tend to be nicer, they are usually speakeasy or restaurant bars rather than a dive bar with “dope ass wings.”
Surprisingly, dope ass wings are not something I tend to lean toward devouring on a first date. The guys are dressed better and are always on time. BUT these dates seem to feel more like interviews. These dates rarely result in a second date.
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Maybe, because all these bros are so accomplished? But I’m a college senior. I’m not even sure how I got approved for this app. What has been my biggest trial in life? Like idk…. midterms are soon. This app is for serious people. But also like all dating apps, guys 100% expect to go home with you after the first date. So this “elite, high class” veneer is also bull sh*t. Nobody on The League has ever bought me dinner. EVER.
So why do I swear by this app?
Not because all the guys I have met are doctors or lawyers or writers (although that is true). It is actually for the interest groups. With each five guys you get, there is usually a free chat room or interest group to join at the bottom.
Some of them are douchey like “Hamptons Krew 2017” but some of them are for “Central Park Runners” or simply “People with dogs.” These chat rooms start group dates where we all run together or set up a doggie playdates. It feels way more organic and natural to talk to peeps about our dogs and just know in the back of my mind (Toby, yellow lab, single).
