6 Things We Wish Guys Said Instead Of That Creepy Pick Up Line
We’ve all been there–trying to fend off Grade A creepers from shouting at us on the street, hitting on us in the club, or incessantly messaging us on facebook as if the first 42 times we turned them down didn’t matter. For all of you creepy men out there who won’t stop using tactics to “get girls” that seem more like self sabotaging trench war fare than expressing interest–I’m here to teach you a better way.
He Said: UUNF LOOK AT THAT ASS!
Location: The sidewalk and/or the grocery check out line.
He Should Have Said: Nothing at all. Because when women are walking down the street or in the grocery store, they are usually trying to go about their business, not entertain comments and harassment about their bodies.
He Said: I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Location: Facebook Messenger, late night edition.
He Should Have Said: Hey, haven’t talked to you in a while. How is it going? (Or any other reasonable way to start a conversation with another adult human being).
He Said: Hey! Just so you know as long as I have a face you will have a place to sit!
He Should Have Said: I’d love to get to know you better over dinner, don’t worry– we can both let the patriarchy do you a solid for once in your life and I’ll pay. We can start splitting the bill once women get equal pay.
He Said: Do you wanna come over and watch some porn in my new mirror?
Location: The fratty dive bar you tried to convince your friends NOT to go to
He Should Have Said: Don’t worry, I hate this place too. Wanna ditch and find some place to talk that isn’t covered in stale beer?
He Said: DTF?
Location: Your Twitter DMs
What He Should Have Said: I read that article you tweeted about Nicki Minaj, can we both talk about how she is the greatest rapper of all time over coffee soon?
He Said: Nothing, he just sent an unsolicited dick pic instead.
Location: Your snapchat inbox
What He Should Have Said: I know the pickings of men who aren’t total douchebags are kind of slim these days, but I can promise you I’ll never, ever, send you an unsolicited picture of my penis.