The Dos and Don’ts of Smoking Weed at Home for the Holidays

Being home for the holidays is so nice — finally, a breather from the crazy hustle that is your boss-bitch life. But the only bad thing is you have to go out of your normal routine to find weed.

Especially if you have family that’s not chill with your on-the-DL stoner life, it can be tough trying to just relax when your fam is anal about weed.

It can also be tough trying to find weed, but there are a few key places you might not think to look. So, if you decide to try and find weed, there are a few rules you need to follow so you don’t get caught.

The Dos

1. Hit up the stoners you knew in high school

I hate stereotypes, but most likely, if they were a notorious stoner in high school, they’re most likely still one and living in your hometown. They’re definitely the most reliable, and if they aren’t in town, they’ll probably be able to set you up with someone in the vicinity who has greens.

2. Raid the damn pantry cuz the food is free!

My one and only problem with weed is the fucking munchies. So, being the college student that I am, when I get baked I almost always have no food because I have no money so I just starve. But, if you’re at home, your mom definitely has a fully stocked pantry (and I’ve been told that calories don’t count over break) so hell yeah, have a damn Hostess cake!

3. Ask the unsuspecting younger cousins

If you’re having a hard time finding weed, and for some odd reason the town stoner is unavailable, your younger cousins should be your next go-to. For one, they won’t rat you out because you’re older and they definitely think you are cooler than they are so they don’t want to get you in trouble. And since they’re in high school, they probably have a lot of connections.

4. Accept that the weed will be shit

If you went to school or moved to a bigger city, and your hometown you’re back to is small, accept that the weed at home will likely be pencil shavings. NYC and LA are just the best cities for weed so anything after that is a downgrade, just accept it.

The Don’ts

1. Don’t smoke in an obvious spot

This should be just like, duh? But I included it for good measure. Don’t smoke in a parking lot, don’t smoke in your attic (been there, done that, mom found out). Outside is your best bet because the wind will carry the smoke, but regardless, just be smart about it!

2. Don’t speed, or drive high

After picking up, don’t be a fucking moron. Don’t speed, don’t break any traffic laws because if you get caught with weed in your car, you’re fucked. Driving high is another thing that I just don’t understand, like just wait or get an Uber, they’re everywhere now!

3. Don’t get high while your parents are awake

There is absolutely nothing worse than getting high, and having to explain to your parents why you’re halfway through a box of Pop Tarts, unable to stop giggling and watching BoJack Horseman at full volume (may or may not be from personal experience).

4. Don’t smoke before talking to someone you haven’t seen in a while

Smoking is something you might do like while chilling with your college or work friends, who know you really well. But if you’re home on holidays and decide to get high before going to a bar or something, you might run into someone you haven’t seen in awhile. It’s so awkward to try and catch up with someone when you’re high, especially if you’re bad at hiding how high you are and they are able to tell.

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