9 Contradictory Activities To Make Sure January 2nd Is A Great Day
Ladies, the second day of the New Year is a day of mixed feelings. You may be tempted to engage in random activities to make sure your 2014 starts how you wish it to go on. Here’s a list of contradictory and confusing ways to start your year off like a normal human being.
Listen to Beyonce
King Beyonce revived 2013 by releasing her surprise album, and now we can start the year by praying to our lord and savior Beysus.
I think making sure you’re hydrated is the source of all happiness…maybe not…whiskey might be BUT it’s definitely keeps you from your body being completely unhappy with you. So do it, because you’re suppose to.
Eat Fried Chicken
Fried chicken is something that should never not be eaten, unless you don’t eat meat, and in that case I’m sorry that you don’t get to participate. There’s no time like the second day of the new year to indulge in some deep fried awesomeness. Oh, and Popeyes is the best place to do this.
Eat a Banana
A banana a day will keep something away, right? We all know consuming fruit and vegetables is a very important thing to do, which is rich coming from me, seeing as I spent New Years day gnawing on the same Big Mac and Mcnuggets for six hours. But whatever, eat one.
Watch Reality TV
I woke up today at 8am, not to go to gym, but to catch up on reality TV. I’m not joking. Mob Wives, Love & Hip Hop and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Nothing motivates me more than the comfort that I live in my world and not in one as crazy as these women.
Don’t Watch Reality TV
It’s complete waste of your time. Do something productive, like write a book or read one.
Listen to Hip Hop Incredibly Loud
I love to pretend i’m at the club, even though I never go to the club. So blasting Jeezy’s, “R.I.P. I just killed the club” really helps me create that false reality, and better yet, think that I’m way harder and badass than I actually am. Anything that helps you believe things about yourself that probably aren’t true, are good things for you.
Go to the Gym
There’s nothing more self-satisfying than going to the gym. I literally feel like a different human being, like “I’m better than you” human being. That cloud of smugness that hangs over you as you finish your run, is a feeling like no other. Unfortunately my gym is situated opposite a Taco Bell, so I have to run with my eyes closed to prevent me from running through the window to Taco Bell.
Don’t Go to the Gym
If you don’t have a job or anything to do at all. I would recommend staying horizontal and not moving until that Burger King your ordered, (they deliver in Bushwick), arrives and you muster up the strength to get up and pay the delivery man.
– Frankie Decaiza Hutchinson