9 Scary Things Trump Says He’ll Do On His First Day

Donald Trump may seem like a joke, but his impending presidency won’t be.

While before we had the luxury of not paying attention to every single batshit campaign promise that came out of his mouth, that all went out the window this morning.

Now it’s time to get informed about exactly what Trump is promising to do while he’s in office.

Even though there’s little to no chance he’ll make good on all of his scary plans since no president ever does, here’s a taste of what Trump promises to do on just his first day in office.

Spoiler alert: it’s gonna be a yuge day for the Donald and a scary one for the rest of us.

1. Repeal every Obama executive order

Obama issued 235 executive orders while he was in office, including one that would protect up to 5 million undocumented immigrants from getting deported.

Trump has promised to “repeal every single Obama executive order,” which basically leaves the door open for Trump to YOLO all over Obama’s legacy.

2. Repeal Obamacare

Kiss your cheap health insurance and free birth control goodbye.

3. Ramp up coal production

Maybe you’ve heard of this thing called global warming.

Democrats believe in it, Republicans are still super into thinking it’s a big hoax, and nobody can agree on what tf we’re supposed to do about it.

While Hillary said she wanted to shut down production of coal, which is the #1 air pollutant in the country, and focus on developing green energy sources, Trump chose to say he’d do the opposite so all the people who still make money off of mining coal would vote for him.

Who needs a “clean” environment to make America great again anyway?

4. Get all those illegal immigrants outta here

Unsurprisingly, this is Trump’s top priority which he’s said he will start working on “as soon as I take office.”

5. Start building that goddamn wall

It’s gonna be yuge.

6. Let his generals know they have 30 days to come up with a plan to stop ISIS

Because that’s really how foreign policy works and doesn’t sound like a recipe for nuclear disaster at all.

7. Get that Keystone XL Pipeline up and running

As an expert on everything, Trump already knows that the Keystone XL Pipeline will have absolutely “no impact“ on the environment and will create a lot of American jobs so we should all just stop whining and let him do it already.

Not that it matters, because he’s approving it immediately no matter what we think.

8. Start repealing all our abortion rights

In September Mike Pence told conservatives that Trump planned to “send Roe v. Wade to the ash heap of history where it belongs,” and that they’ll start fighting on “day one.”

But remember, it’s chill because nobody has more respect for women than Trump. 

9. Get rid of gun-free zones in schools

In January Trump told supporters in Vermont that, “I will get rid of gun-free zones on schools, and — you have to — and on military bases. My first day, it gets signed, okay? My first day. There’s no more gun-free zones.”

Right, because the only thing that could possibly make high school even more terrifying is the prospect that literally all your hormonally-unstable classmates could be walking around with guns. 

Doesn’t the future sound fun?

[H/T Mother Jones]


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