9 things he says in bed that prove he’s a f*ckboy
Dirty talk can either be really awesome, or really shitty. While sometimes a guy’s way with words can be a turn-on, other times we wish we could throw a muzzle on the dude that has a hot body but has bullshit spewing out of his mouth.
But did you ever notice that the guys who say dumb things tend to all say the same things? It’s like the first time a guy pops a boner, the patron saint of fuckboys floats down to earth and hands him a script for how to turn girls off.
Anyway, here are nine things fuckboys say in bed that should send you running the other way..
1. “You came, right?”
It’s so cute how boys think that just because we don’t squirt out a mess of semen means that our orgasms are unnoticeable. Honey, if you think a girl’s orgasm is discreet, you’ve probably never seen a real one.
2. “I love when you touch my dick”
Thanks, I guess? Is there anyone you don’t love touching your dick besides your doctor?
3. “I can’t sleep with other people.”
If he starts talking about how he can’t fall asleep with other people in his bed or how he has this “thing” early in the morning, you’ve been fooled. Fuckboy wants you in bed for one thing and one thing only, he doesn’t need you snuggling on him in the middle of the night, or god forbid, the morning.
4. “You’re so wet right now.”
A guy commenting on your wetness would be completely fine… that is, if you were actually wet. It seems that all of the dudes who spit the whole “you’re soaking wet right now” line during foreplay are secretly hoping that somehow them saying that you’re wet will actually make you wet. Or maybe they’re really clueless and are confusing the meaning of the term “wet.” Either way, we’re probably going to assume you’ve never actually witnessed a wet pussy before because of your mediocre eating out skills.
5. “I wanted this to be special.”
Even after eight tequila shots, no girl is dumb enough to think that her sucking your dick on your inflatable mattress while Wolf of Wall Street plays in the background is “special.” You already got a girl in bed, you can stop spitting your lame ass game now.
6. “I can’t cum with a condom on”
If we were as worried about our elusive orgasm as you are, we’d probably never fuck you in the first place. Let’s not pretend that it’s hard for you to ejaculate, because once you put it in (condom or no condom) you’re probably going to finish before your girl does.
7. “This never happens.”
Whether he’s talking about the fact that he brought you to his “special” place for sex or the fact that he’s gotten whiskey dick, we all know that anyone who says “this never happens” or “I never do this,” probably does it all the damn time.
8. “Sorry, it just slipped”
If you’re lucky, you’ve never had to deal with a guy who tries to put it in even when you’ve said no. Unfortunately, many of us have come across Mr. Suave who thinks that even when we say we don’t want to fuck, he can change our minds by casually trying to force his way in during foreplay. Actually, that’s called rape.
9. “Call me daddy”
Whether you’re asking us to call you papi or daddy, it’s fucking weird. If the chick brings it up it’s one thing, but nobody wants to call their random Tuesday night hook-up the same thing that they call their father. The same goes for guys who call girls “mami.” Do I look like your mother? I fucking hope not, Oedipus.