9 Reasons Everyone’s Over the VS Fashion Show
The annual VS fashion show is tomorrow, and chances are you couldn’t care less about it.
I don’t blame you.
Honestly, nobody seems to care.
Not news outlets, not social media, and not even people like me who are obsessed with looking like Victoria’s Secret models.
This year marks the sexy underwear parade’s 15th year of being broadcast to a national audience, and it looks like interest has finally dried up. Here are the nine reasons why we’re all pretty much over it.
1. Angels Aren’t Special Anymore
While there used to be a time when getting your angel wings was seen as an honor, now it’s just a job, and that’s 100% Victoria’s Secret’s own fault.
For one, there are just too many Angels now.
Back in the early 2000s, when VS fashion show first started broadcasting, there was an average of four or five angels at a time. And these weren’t just any Angels, they were Tyra Banks, Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum, and other incredibly high-profile hotties.
But starting in 2005, VS slowly started adding more angels to the roster who weren’t already supermodels.
In 2005 the average number of Angels jumped up to eight. In 2010 there were 11, and now there are 14, most of whom just started working for the brand last year and aren’t even close to being household names.
Chances are, if you know any of their names it’s because they’re either BFFs with Taylor Swift (Lily Aldridge, Martha Hunt, Taylor Hill), a rumored ex of Miley Cyrus (Stella Maxwell) or married to Adam Levine (Behati Prinsloo).
Which brings me to the second reason why Angels aren’t special anymore: money.
Namely, VS contracts aren’t nearly as lucrative as they used to be.
According to a Page Six source, while veteran Angels like Adriana Lima, who’s been an angel for the past 16 years, have contracts worth millions of dollars, current Angels sign contracts for close to $100,000.
Add to that the fact that VS requires its Angels to commit around 50 days of the year to commercials, special events, commercial shoots and campaigns, and it suddenly becomes crystal clear why VS isn’t landing supermodels anymore.
The contract just isn’t worth their time.
2. They’ve Become Just a Mall Brand
This goes hand in hand with my previous point, but as VS has moved away from having supermodels for angels, their brand has stopped being synonymous with top-of-the-line lingerie and has basically become just another mall brand, which makes sense seeing as VS is owned by The Limited.
VS isn’t a destination for the best bras anymore, it’s just somewhere you end up when you’re strapped for cash or don’t know any better.
3. All Their Models Have the Same Unattainable Body Type
Let’s face it, at this point VS’s biggest problem is that all of it’s models have the exact same body type: tall and as skinny as possible, with a few workout selfies thrown in before the show to prove how healthy they are.
Seriously, most of the retouching that goes on in a VS shoot is to add meat to their bones.
It’s 2016 and while the rest of the world has realized that we don’t have to just look at one body type anymore, VS apparently hasn’t gotten the memo yet.
Or they think they still know better.
But the typical high-fashion model look, with little to no variation from woman to woman, is over. Whatever way you slice it, Victoria’s Secret on the wrong side of history and the longer they wait before accepting the body positivity movement, the more damage they’ll do to their brand.
4. It Looks Too Polished
These days, the VS fashion show looks like a cross between the Sex and the City movie sequel and Trump’s Miss Universe pageant.
Everybody wears ridiculous sexy Halloween costumes and plasters a big grin on their face while looking like waxy human perfection incarnate.
It’s 2016. We save looking fake for Instagram.
5. People Don’t Watch TV As Much
Since the VS fashion show first started airing in 2001, the ratings have steadily decreased. What started off as an annual extravaganza that drew 12.3 million viewers from around the globe, has been steadily decreasing for a decade, until last year when things took a drastic drip.
Partly, the problem is that nobody’s watching TV anymore, but it can’t be a coincidence that the ratings took a catastrophic dip the same year VS brought in 10 new unknowns to be the public faces of their company.
Apparently, not even adding Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner to the lineup could make up for it, so it’s curious why they seem to be following the exact same strategy again this year, albeit with the addition of another Hadid.
And about that: Bella Hadid is so miscast for this cheery, rah-rah show, she herself admits she doesn’t even know how to smile. It seems like VS was trying to pander to the Instagram generation by including Bella. But maybe VS should have added some body diversity instead of yet another stick-thin, conventionally gorgeous model with rich and famous parents.
6. Nobody Even Likes Bras Anymore
In case you haven’t heard, having cleavage is soooooo 2006.
Last year, Victoria’s Secret launched a line of bralettes and started moving away from its underwire and pushup-bra-filled past, and a month ago Vogue went so far as to declare that big boobs aren’t “on trend” anymore.
They have a point.
In our current era of athletic wear and leisure wear as everyday wear, people just aren’t buying as many bras that may be sexy, but aren’t comfortable. The whole Coachella look is also not conducive to the big-busted among us. And pop culture is obsessing over butts now, not boobs.
7. The Election
Donald Trump getting elected president was a massive moment, and honestly, it’s made it kind of hard to muster up a whole bunch of enthusiasm for a lingerie show.
For better or for worse, there are bigger problems to worry about than who’s going to open the show and whether or not Bella will be able to overcome her smiling problem on the runway.
8. It’s Not Live
Even though the actual VS fashion show is being filmed tomorrow, we won’t be able to see it until next Monday.
Only thanks to Instagram and exclusive first looks from news outlets, we’ll see pretty much see all we want to see anyway.
We’ll know who wears what, who looks like one million bucks and whether anything exceptionally newsworthy happens, like that time Ariana Grande accidentally got smacked in the face by an Angel’s wings.
Nobody cares about watching the models walk or seeing what cheesy stuffer material VS puts into the broadcast to make it longer.
9. Their Underwear’s Kind of Ugly
This is kind of a petty point to be making, but have you been to a Victoria’s Secret store recently?
It’s a hot mess.
All their teddies are recycled fashions from yesteryear, their panties are either basic or needlessly complicated-looking, and their bras are all lacy racer backs that look like they’d give you momboob.
Thanks, but no thanks.
The reign of Victoria’s Secret is officially over.