You Have 5 Months to Decide How You Feel About Wedgie Bikinis
There’s a big change coming to the standard bikini bottom.
While the rest of us were busy complaining about how 2016 was the worst year ever, some of your favorite celebrities were laying the foundation for a dastardly plan to tweak bikini bottoms nationwide by pulling them all the way up, exposing their pelvic bones and sending themselves on a one-way ticket to wedgie town.
Bad news, there’s nothing you can do to stop a trend once it’s already in motion.
Good news, Memorial Day weekend — AKA the start of swimsuit season — is still five months away, so you have plenty of time to figure out how you feel about these wedgie-inducing bottoms.
Just in case you’re totally clueless about what I’m talking about, here’s some examples of wedgie bikinis in action.
And here’s some pictures of celebrities taking their wedgie bottoms off of the sand and into their high-society lives.
I’m usually not one for blanket statements, but celebrities have gone too far this time.
Unlike Taylor Swift’s high-waisted bikini bottoms, which never quite took off, wedgie bottoms could easily become the standard this summer. They’re similar enough to low-waisted bottoms, and kinda sorta flattering on some people.
But there are issues. They might look great in a picture to highlight your curves for the likes, but IRL they’ll give you awkward tan lines, leave your ass in a state of perpetual almost wedgie-ness, and require an incredibly diligent waxing regime.
It sounds like a headache. And a butt ache. And probably a vagina ache too.
Oh well, can’t win em all, right?