13 Gifts For Half-Assing Your Sorority Secret Santa
Secret Santa is a small torture inflicted on sorority women every December, despite differences in religious beliefs and individual, possibly strained relationships within the org.
I guess the idea is that everyone will save money — rather than buying a shit-ton of gifts — and nobody will be left gift-less, not even the sister who got caught using chapter funds for her last manicure. However, if I wanted to buy a gift for someone I see every week but is still basically a stranger, I would be shopping for the doorman at my job.
Regardless, I don’t want my money to go to waste on something that will end up in a trashcan somewhere. Here are some gift ideas that won’t show how few fucks you give about this annual tradition.
This coffee apparently tastes like the perfect marriage of night and day. Sorority girls everywhere will be impressed at the combination of two of their favorite beverages.
2. Sorority Cap
On her next bad hair day, she’ll thank you personally.
Anyone who caught the 2013 viral sorority email from former Delta Gamma sister Rebecca Martinson will be excited to know that she teamed up with the creators of White Girl Problems to bring you this sorority expose. It’s a work of fiction but the kind of book any sorority girl would read in a love-to-hate kind of way.
4. Wine Pearls
This is for the sorority sisters who put ice in their Chablis, even while openly acknowledging that the beverage tastes like water just a few minutes later. Watching someone ruin a perfectly good glass of wine is bad for your health so this gift is more for your peace of mind than anything else.
Every time they make a cup off tea, they’ll think of you. Mugs are the ultimate secret santa cop-out gift but when you throw letters on them, it seems slightly more thoughtful.
It’s winter time a.k.a the season of wrapping yourself in a fuzzy blanket on the couch. The sorority monogram makes it personal but without being too obnooxious.
You can give this to anyone who has a great relationship with their big or little sister, or your own big/little if you lucked out and got their name. Literally, there is always a need for stemless wine glasses, whether they say “Big/Little” or not.
A key chain is also a cop-out gift when it comes to Secret Santa but with the personalization, will impress anyone. Also, it’s super inexpensive. This is the kind of thing you break out when you get someone you might actually hate-love.
When you realize you’ve gotten the sister who goes through twenty cellphones a year because she refuses to buy a case, it’s time to offer her something that she’ll like even more than her iPhone 6’s rose gold exterior.
Just don’t give this to the sister who doesn’t celebrate Christmas because you’ll look like an asshole.
13. Just buy her wine.
The kind of gift that is immediately useful and appreciated. Also an open declaration that you are not creative, you probably bought this on your way to the gift exchange, and you didn’t feel like personalizing shit.