Orlando Bloom Freed the Peen in Italy & No One Can Handle It
Orlando Bloom freed the peen while vacationing in Italy with Katy Perry, and nobody seems able to handle it without getting dickstracted.
ORLANDO BLOOM IS KATY PERRY’S MANSERVANT AS HE SHOULD BE pic.twitter.com/rkRv44anPM
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) August 3, 2016
— Andrew Blanchard (@AndyTheBlanch) August 4, 2016
— Thotstradamus (@KBAbrenica) August 4, 2016
Show me the uncensored photos of Orlando Bloom. pic.twitter.com/Itecdr3bOn
— Isabelle (@_HLoopsHi) August 3, 2016
But like, can you really blame them?
Have you seen his penis shadow?
Orlando Bloom could make world peace happen with this machine pic.twitter.com/Nrp1T4kwsq
— roman (@RomanNavy) August 3, 2016
— lyndsay mcintosh (@lyndsaymcnails) August 4, 2016
But serious question time: who let this happen?
Did Orlando and Katy know the paparazzi was going to be following them? Did they think they were alone? Did they just not care?
Does Orlando feel like he can only do his best paddleboarding work without the heavy burden of swim trunks? Does this somehow have to do with Justin Bieber and their very long and complicated feud?
Did Orlando lose a bet?
Did he just want to get a full-body tan?
Or is he still trying to make up for the fact that he low-key embarrassed Katy by maybe hooking up with her mortal enemy’s bestie, or at least putting himself in a situation where that looked like it was on the table.
Whatever the reason, it’s really weird that Orlando Bloom freed the peen while paddleboarding.
Now if you need me, I’ll be spending some quality time with the evidence trying to work out my feelings about the matter.
This could take all day.