These Horror Stories Prove NYE Is Overhyped AF
If you’ve ever found yourself slumped over the toilet at midnight on New Year’s Eve, please raise your hand.
The first night of the year, which requires sequined dresses, embarrassing headgear, and extremely overpriced cover charges, seems to always end in a shit show.
This may be because it’s one of the few nights of the year where everybody and their mother plans to drink themselves into oblivion to “forget” the horrible previous year. Or maybe it’s just because we all need to get blackout to justify the price we paid for an open bar and to try to forget that we’re crammed between a hundred sweaty people in sparkles.
Whatever it is, everyone’s “epic” New Year’s Eve plans always seems to end in a shit show. Generally, it’s because you drink too much alcohol.
Jean, 23, (all names have been changed) remembers a New Year’s Eve where her and her boyfriend planned to hit two parties in one night so that they could spend equal time with both of their friends.
“Unfortunately, I went way too hard at the first party,” she explains. “As we were about to watch the ball drop, I suddenly felt sick af. My boyfriend came and found me to have our ‘New Year’s kiss,’ and I had to scamper off to the bathroom immediately afterwards to vom.”
Their ride for the evening, her boyfriend’s dad, picked them up and drove them to the next party, where she immediately went upstairs to the host’s bed and passed out while her boo partied. Lovely.
Sometimes, it’s not you that gets too drunk, but your annoying ass friend. You end up taking care of their ass instead of searching the dance floor for a hot guy to ring in the new year with.
“One time my friend was so drunk she fell asleep on the floor of a club and we got kicked out,” recalls Anne, 22.
But instead of being able to hail a cab and take her home, Anne’s friend quickly realized she was missing her shoes.
“There was snow on the ground and she had tights on, and there were holes, so her toes were, like, poking out,” says Anne. “The moral of the story is that friend doesn’t drink hard alcohol anymore.”
But sometimes, it’s not just drunken debauchery that ruins the “most lit night of the year.” Sometimes it’s just the shitty people you surround yourself with.
Trevor, 25, remembers the New Year’s he had four years ago in which he was probably singing “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal” at the top of his lungs. He’d been dating this girl from Albany, NY, for about six months.
Being the great boyfriend that he was, Trevor planned a surprise visit to see his girlfriend on NYE, and arranged to stay with another friend that lived nearby her while he prepared his surprise.
“As I’m making the four hour trip up there, she was being weird [over text],” explains Trevor. “One word answers and not being specific about stuff when I was trying to figure out where they were going and all that.”
About an hour before midnight, Trevor finally arrived and tried to call his boo to explain that he was in town and trying to meet up with her. The only problem was, she sent him straight to voicemail.
“This went on for about thirty minutes between her not answering texts and ignoring my calls,” he says. “I finally find out that she’s with one of her ex-boyfriends through a mutual friend of ours. She finally texts me back and just says, ‘I want to be with him tonight and not you.'”
But more often than not, the real problem with your night is that you and your friends hype it up to be the coolest night ever, and it ends up being a big fucking fail.
Take, for example, Bridget, 28, who thought that her and her friends were going to become famous overnight after an exclusive NYE invite.
“At the last minute, my friends and I were invited to a NYE party at this guy’s house,” she says. “He was on this huge reality show and our friend who invited us said it would be a star-studded event. We immediately canceled our other plans. I skipped my grandpa’s birthday dinner (awesome) and one of my friends postponed her anniversary celebration with her boyfriend (also awesome).”
Naturally, like any event that’s promised to be swarmed with celebs, it usually ends up being a total bust. Even worse, this party ended up being at the “star’s” parents’ house.
“We walk into the fluorescent-lit kitchen and see his grandma, a baby, a 3-foot long sub, and about a dozen cousins,” she says. “They’re in comfortable family-party attire. We are dressed to the nines. Lots of sparkles. Lots of skin. One of his girl cousins said, ‘WOW, you guys are dressed up!’ in a way that was definitely not a compliment.”
Naturally, the only solution was to drink away the awkwardness, which they did. Thankfully, the family members left at some point to go somewhere else to celebrate.
“My friend who had a crush on the reality show guy faceplanted in front of him twice,” she says. “My other friend made out with a contestant from A Double Shot of Love with Tila Tequila, the only other ‘star’ there. I passed out in the corner and vommed jello shots all over myself. Someone drew a penis on my face.”
When someone broke the sink in the upstairs bathroom, Bridget was immediately blamed because she had previously been up there attempting to scrub the penis off her face with a white hand towel.
“My friends and I were banished to the basement,” she says. “My last vision is of one of the brothers carrying the broken sink over his head through the very crowded party and the whole family shouting about the drunk girl in the blue dress (me).”
The best part? As you would expect with reality stars, someone had filmed the whole evening.
“Good thing I have no political aspirations,” concludes Bridget.
Maybe if we stopped hyping up New Year’s so much, we would actually enjoy ourselves and not end up in a puddle of puke in someone’s bathtub? Or maybe the night is forever doomed for anyone who utters the words, “new year, new me.”
Whatever it is, don’t feel bad if you’re not going to the “coolest” party this year or if you couldn’t afford to join in on your friend’s $300 table at the club. They’re probs not having any better of a night than you, even if you’re sitting at home watching Netflix.
In fact, their night may actually end up worse.