If You Like Classic Hollywood Shade, You’ll Love “Feud”

“Feud,” Ryan Murphy’s latest attempt at TV domination, premiered last night, and it was juicier than biting into a raw steak.

See, before Taylor Swift and Katy Perry or Nicki Minaj and Remy Ma, there were Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

They were two of the brightest stars in Hollywood during the 30s and 40s, and from the beginning, these gals did NOT get along.

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Before anybody in Hollywood even heard the name Bette Davis, Joan Crawford was known for being one thing: a bombshell.

Plus she had a reputation for sleeping around.

In fact, Bette Davis herself was once quoted as saying, “Joan Crawford has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.”

Bette Davis on the other hand was not hot, and even before their paths really collided, Bette resented the fact that people cared more about what was happening in Joan’s love life than they did about how much of a beast at acting Bette was.

But their feud officially started in the most stereotypical way a feud between two women could ever start.

His name was Franchot Tone, and despite his clunky moniker, both women decided they wanted to live happily ever after with him.

Bette Davis was making a movie with him at the time, but Franchot fell head over heels in love with Joan, because she was super hot and that’s all guys really care about.

But shit really hit in the fan in 1943 when Joan Crawford left MGM and signed with Warner Brothers.

See, back in the day, Hollywood actors signed contracts with movie studios and then more or less just made films with that studio.

Until 1943, Joan and Bette had a lot of space between them, but now that they were signed to the same studio, and therefore possibly competing for parts in the same movies, all bets were off.

Crawford allegedly tried to make nice with Bette by sending her gifts. But Bette was petty and called Joan out for what she called her “lesbian overtures.”

But then, the same thing that happened to all actresses happened.

Bette and Joan got kind of old and suddenly, their roles were drying up.

Luckily, Joan Crawford heard about this book called “What Happened to Baby Jane,” and thought to herself, gee, I just gotta snatch this puppy up.

She showed it to a director. He was like, “Okay sure, but you’re yesterday’s news so we need another name to sign on to this.” And Joan was like, “I know just the bitch to call.”

She called Bette Davis. Bette was down, but only after getting some reassurance that Joan hadn’t had sex with the director.

During filming, things were as petty as ever.

Joan put rocks in her pockets so it’d be harder for Bette to drag her around the room, Bette called Joan a “phony c*nt,” and then to make matters even worse, only Bette Davis got nominated for an Oscar.

Joan allegedly campaigned against Davis and told every other actress who got nominated that she’d be more than happy to accept their awards should they not be able to attend the ceremony.

Lo and behold, Bette didn’t win and Joan was the one who ended up accepting the award that night.

Still, the studios thought it would be a good idea to force them to do another film together, but things quickly fell apart when Bette had a Coca Cola machine installed in Joan’s dressing room on set.

Joan’s late husband was the head of Pepsi, so even though this sounds silly, it deeply offended Joan.

Shortly after this horrendous incident occurred, Joan left the production on medical leave.

The feud officially ended when Joan kicked the bucket in 1977. Bette Davis was said to have charitably commented, “You should never say bad things about the dead, only good… Joan Crawford is dead good.”

Current starlets, take note.

This is how you feud.

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