Ciara and Russell Wilson Got Married In a Castle To Play Up The Whole Virgin Thing
Yesterday, Ciara and Russell Wilson got married.
But they didn’t have any regular old celebrity wedding.
No, instead Ciara and Russell Wilson got married IN A CASTLE, because when you’ve made such a big deal of the fact that you’re waiting until marriage to have sex, you might as well go all out and make that shit as medieval as possible.
Of course, Ciara looked stunning as ever in her custom Roberto Cavalli lace-up gown, while her god-fearing, football-playing boyfriend looked like he was finally happy to have this fairy tale wedding bull shit done with so he can have his fairy tale happy ending already.
Who can blame him?
Have you seen the music video for “Ride” recently?
Of course, all of Ciara’s closest celebrity confidents received invitations to her wedding, which means Jennifer Hudon was there, Kelly Rowland was there, and Serena Williams was supposed to be there, but she fucked that shit up by being too good at tennis and advancing to the Wimbledon quarter finals like the boss she is.
As the location for their destination wedding, Ciara and Russell Wilson chose Peckforton Castle, which has had been the setting for pivotal scenes in illustrious TV dramas like Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes, and The Real Housewives of Cheshire.
Can you believe they could even get that venue booked seeing as they just got engaged three months ago?
But seriously, how do you think they did it? Aren’t June weddings like, impossible to book unless you start planning a year in advance?
Must be that near-virgin magic.
TBH, whoever handles booking at Peckforton probably hadn’t seen two semi-virgins looking to get married at the castle since the 1500s, and offered to give them an all-expenses wedding free of charge.
So, let’s raise our coffee cups to the happy couple who finally, after 14 months of dating, get to find out that they have absolutely zero sexual chemistry.
We wouldn’t wish that shit on them.
May there be millions of simultaneous orgasms in your future bbs.