Blake Lively Is Crediting ‘Moderation’ For Her Shallows Bod
Noted 1940s humor historian Blake Lively looked bomb af in “The Shallows.”
How did she come to be in possession of such a slammin’ bikini bod, especially one that differed sooo greatly from her usual slammin’ red carpet bod?
We’ve been wondering, not gonna lie! And now we have our (probably fudged) answer.
Thankfully, an Australian radio host who has the gall to call herself Jackie O asked Blake that very question.
Now, of course I need to point out that the best case scenario would be for all of us to stop obsessing over women’s bodies. But that’s never gonna happen, so let’s get back to the story.
Blake said this:
“I did no gluten and no soy. Which seems like ‘Oh, that’s really easy to cut that out,’ but you realize, there’s soy in everything, like, everything you eat, there is soy. And even if it’s healthy, Whole Foods, organic stuff, there’s always soy in it. So once you remove soy, you realize you’re eating just like, no processed foods.”
I mean. You guys. Before I discovered soy lattes in 2004 I was effectively on a soy-free diet, too, and I didn’t look like Blake Lively. Even when I give up gluten and dairy and sugar and soy, I still don’t look like Blake Lively in “The Shallows.” Something’s not adding up.
Well, you might be thinking, at least she didn’t talk about eating in moderation and getting eight hours of sleep like every other celeb who’s trying to evade questions about their diet.
But, before you drown in a pool of thinking-face emojis, there’s more.
“I was still able to have sugar and all of those things. It’s all in moderation. You know, you just have a balance of protein, carbs, and vegetables. And it wasn’t the worst. Like, I was eating rice and sushi and you know but just no soy and no gluten. And watch how hard that is!”
Now, here’s the thing. I just wish Blake Lively and celebrities like her would admit that it’s not just “balance” and “moderation” and cutting out a food group or two. Losing weight and getting into ridiculous shape is fucking hard. Even if you’re cutting out certain foods, you still have to watch how much you’re consuming of the foods left over and you still have to work out like crazy.
Celebrities like Blake Lively look the way they do because of a combination of incredible genes, strict discipline, and often teams of chefs and trainers who are dedicated to whipping them into shape. So it’s grating when they go into interviews and credit their ridiculous looks to moderation. I’m not usually one to say “think of the children,” but seriously. Little girls who already hate their bodies will compare themselves to Blake and other celebs and feel like failures because they can’t cut out soy and gluten and eat in “moderation” and replicate Blake’s results.
So all I’m saying, celebs, is that it’s okay to be honest about how hard it is to look the way you look. We civilians will feel a lot better knowing your diet and fitness routines are completely insurmountable for a normal person, instead of wondering why we don’t look as good as you.
And Blake — you’re never going to be relatable, meaty eyelids or not.
