7 Batsh*t Things Megyn Kelly Has Actually Said

By now, you’ve probably heard the news that Megyn Kelly is leaving Fox News in favor of NBC. This is being presented as a feminist triumph over the big bad racist uncle that is Roger Ailes’ Fox News. People are patting Megyn on the back for triumphing over the conservatives and finally getting out from under the yoke of Newscorp.

But not so fast. When we heard ourselves giving Megyn Kelly a slow-clap, along with a jovial “You go girl! You’re the BEST,” we had to take a minute and look back.

Because you guys, Megyn Kelly kind of sucks. She’s no chill-inducing Ann Coulter, but she has said some crazy, unforgivable nonsense in her day.

1. She Said Santa and Jesus Are Definitely White

In anticipation of the holidays, remember when she said, with authority, that Santa Claus and Jesus are/were definitely white.  She actually called this a “verifiable fact.”  Sorry, kids. (I am more sorry your parents are making you watch Fox News).

2. She Didn’t Get Why Sandra Bland Was Treated Differently by Cops Than She Is

That time she accused Hillary of “pandering” by calling an investigation into Sandra Bland’s death. Oh, and followed that by this lovely anecdote about how once she also annoyed a cop and didn’t manage to die:

“You know, maybe he doesn’t like the fact that she didn’t comply right away. That’s how cops are. I’ve tried to defy a cop before. Well, not really, but I was kind of slow in producing my, you know, license and registration. And they don’t like it. They get irritated. I’m just saying, why?”

3. She Accused Michelle Obama of Self-Victimization

She accused Michelle Obama’s powerful discussion of racism at Tuskegee University of being “very controversial” and an example of “bitter-half politics” contributing to a “culture of victimization” in what is becoming a “Cupcake Nation.” I totally got that vibe hearing the FLOTUS passionately discuss the “rising hopes and fortunes for all African-Americans” despite “past obstacles and outrages.” You are so woke, Megyn.

4. She’s Not Down With Maternity OR Paternity Leave

For the feminists out there, remember this? Megyn Kelly argued adamantly against paternity leave and called maternity leave “anti-capitalist.” We all did a Hunger Games dual-finger salute a short time later when she verbally destroyed Mike Gallagher after he called her own maternity leave “a racket.” I gave her props with major qualifiers here. So did Jon Stewart who decided she must have gotten a case of “postpartum compassion.”

5. She Thinks Pepper Spraying Students Is Chill

There was also that time Megyn Kelly brushed aside the incident involving the UC Davis police force pepper-spraying a group of nonviolent student protesters on campus. According to Megyn, pepper-spray isn’t really all that bad, because “it’s a food product, essentially.”

6. She Called Grants for Low-Income Communities “Social Engineering”

In 2015, when President Obama pushed a bill that offered grant incentives to communities that could prove “inclusivity and diversity,” Megyn Kelly proclaimed he was pushing “social engineering of the worst kind” (I would argue that the Nazis actually practiced social engineering of the worst kind, but I digress).

She also prefaced this topic on her television show, The Kelly File, saying “The man who changed your health care system forever is now pushing to change your neighborhood!” Yes, Megyn, diversity and healthcare will tear this country apart.

7. She Thinks “Yes Means Yes” Infringes on Men’s Rights

Oh yeah, we can’t forget about when she whined about how New York’s “Yes Means Yes” affirmative consent law was infringing on the rights of men. In addition to defining consent, the law provides funding for investigations into rapes on college campuses and creates resources, like hotlines, for victims of sexual abuse. “We are going in a direction where we almost entirely eliminate the rights of men, and there’s a presumption now in these campuses, thanks to the Obama administration, of guilt, and if you are a young man who gets accused, it’s your burden to go in there and prove consent, and we’re getting to the point where you have to have a contract — and if you don’t, you’re gonna be presumed a rapist.”

I actually can’t even deal with this one. I don’t even think Detective Olivia Benson could reason with someone accusing rape victims of making life difficult for their rapists by having the audacity to accuse them of rape.  No, you don’t need a contract. You literally just need to not be a rapist.

Ultimately, Megyn Kelly isn’t the absolute worst (see the aforementioned Ann Coulter). I’ll give her credit where credit is due (her defense of transgender people when Chaz Bono was on Dancing with the Stars was both surprising and inspired), but she has a seriously long way to go before I would consider her the ultimate champion for women – or anyone, for that matter.

An understanding of equality is not something that can be manipulated to comfortably fit into the political climate, nor can it be reserved for one or two subjugated groups. Regardless, this election has had me yearning for simpler times, like when the most sexually aggressive statements were when Jeb Bush offered us all a “warm kiss” (RIP Republican debates 2016), and when the most violence exhibited by a presidential candidate was the time Mitt Romney strapped his dog to the roof of his car for a leisurely 12-hour road trip.

For now, however, there is one thing that I am sure of: Megyn Kelly still sucks.

[This post was originally published on Oct. 29, 2016 and has been updated.]

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