7 Batsh*t Things Megyn Kelly Has Actually Said
By now, you’ve probably heard the news that Megyn Kelly is leaving Fox News in favor of NBC. This is being presented as a feminist triumph over the big bad racist uncle that is Roger Ailes’Â Fox News. People are patting Megyn on the back for triumphing over the conservatives and finally getting out from under the yoke of Newscorp.
But not so fast.Â When we heard ourselvesÂ giving Megyn Kelly a slow-clap, along with a jovial â€œYou go girl! Youâ€™re the BEST,â€Â we had to take a minute and look back.
Because you guys, Megyn Kelly kind ofÂ sucks. She’sÂ no chill-inducing Ann Coulter, but sheÂ has said some crazy, unforgivable nonsense in herÂ day.
1. She SaidÂ Santa and Jesus Are Definitely White
In anticipation of the holidays, remember when she said, with authority, that Santa Claus and Jesus are/were definitely white. Â She actually called this a â€œverifiable fact.â€Â Sorry, kids. (I am more sorry your parents are making you watch Fox News).
2. She Didn’t Get Why Sandra Bland Was Treated Differently by Cops Than She Is
That time she accused Hillary of â€œpanderingâ€ by calling an investigation into Sandra Blandâ€™s death. Oh, and followed that by this lovely anecdote about how once she also annoyed a cop and didnâ€™t manage to die:
“You know, maybe he doesn’t like the fact that she didn’t comply right away. That’s how cops are. I’ve tried to defy a cop before. Well, not really, but I was kind of slow in producing my, you know, license and registration. And they don’t like it. They get irritated. I’m just saying, why?”
3. She Accused Michelle Obama of Self-Victimization
She accused Michelle Obamaâ€™s powerful discussion of racism at Tuskegee University of being â€œvery controversialâ€ and an example of â€œbitter-half politicsâ€ contributing to a â€œculture of victimizationâ€ in what is becoming a â€œCupcake Nation.â€ I totally got that vibe hearing the FLOTUS passionately discuss the â€œrising hopes and fortunes for all African-Americansâ€ despite â€œpast obstacles and outrages.” You are so woke, Megyn.
4. She’s Not Down With Maternity OR Paternity Leave
For the feminists out there, remember this? Megyn Kelly argued adamantly against paternity leave and called maternity leave â€œanti-capitalist.â€ We all did a Hunger Games dual-finger salute a short time later when she verbally destroyed Mike Gallagher after he called her own maternity leave â€œa racket.â€ I gave her props with major qualifiers here. So did Jon Stewart who decided she must have gotten a case of â€œpostpartum compassion.”
5. She Thinks Pepper Spraying Students Is Chill
There was also that time Megyn Kelly brushed aside the incident involving the UC Davis police force pepper-spraying a group of nonviolent student protesters on campus. According to Megyn, pepper-spray isnâ€™t really all that bad, because â€œitâ€™s a food product, essentially.â€
6. She Called Grants for Low-Income Communities “Social Engineering”
In 2015, when President Obama pushed a bill that offered grant incentives to communities that could prove â€œinclusivity and diversity,â€ Megyn Kelly proclaimed he was pushing â€œsocial engineering of the worst kindâ€Â (I would argue that the Nazis actually practiced social engineering of the worst kind, but I digress).
She also prefaced this topic on her television show, The Kelly File, saying â€œThe man who changed your health care system forever is now pushing to change your neighborhood!â€ Yes, Megyn, diversity and healthcare will tear this country apart.
7. She Thinks “Yes Means Yes” Infringes on Men’s Rights
Oh yeah, we canâ€™t forget about when she whined about how New Yorkâ€™s â€œYes Means Yesâ€ affirmative consent law was infringing on the rights of men. In addition to defining consent, the law provides funding for investigations into rapes on college campuses and creates resources, like hotlines, for victims of sexual abuse. â€œWe are going in a direction where we almost entirely eliminate the rights of men, and thereâ€™s a presumption now in these campuses, thanks to the Obama administration, of guilt, and if you are a young man who gets accused, itâ€™s your burden to go in there and prove consent, and weâ€™re getting to the point where you have to have a contract â€” and if you donâ€™t, youâ€™re gonna be presumed a rapist.â€
I actually canâ€™t even deal with this one. I donâ€™t even think Detective Olivia Benson could reason with someone accusing rape victims of making life difficult for their rapists by having the audacity to accuse them of rape. Â No, you donâ€™t need a contract. You literally just need to not be a rapist.
Ultimately, Megyn Kelly isnâ€™t the absolute worst (see the aforementioned Ann Coulter). Iâ€™ll give her credit where credit is due (her defense of transgender people when Chaz Bono was on Dancing with the Stars was both surprising and inspired), but she has a seriously long way to go before I would consider her the ultimate champion for women â€“ or anyone, for that matter.
An understanding of equality is not something that can be manipulated to comfortably fit into the political climate, nor can it be reserved for one or two subjugated groups. Regardless, this election has had me yearning for simpler times, like when the most sexually aggressive statements were when Jeb Bush offered us all a â€œwarm kissâ€ (RIP Republican debates 2016), and when the most violence exhibited by a presidential candidate was the time Mitt Romney strapped his dog to the roof of his car for a leisurely 12-hour road trip.
For now, however, there is one thing that I am sure of: Megyn Kelly still sucks.
[This post was originally published on Oct. 29, 2016 and has been updated.]