In 2007, the most educational program to ever grace America’s airwaves came into being, influencing a generation of women to grow up to be fabulous, fearless, and bitchy as fuck.
That show was The Simple Life, and its premise was simple: watch two rich socialites, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, as they hilariously struggle to be competent in easy, low-paying manual jobs.
Somehow though, even though Paris and Nicole did a horrible job with every task the television producers put in front of them, they still managed to teach their viewers a lot.
Here are 24 timeless and invaluable lessons from The Simple Life vault.
1. There’s a lot of fish in the sea, and most of them are gross af
2. Sex appeal is a girl’s best friend
3. It’s always okay to ask for help when you need it.
4. Never let an opportunity for self-improvement pass you by.
5. Once you live in LA, you’ll think every other place is a rotting hell hole.
6. Never settle for anything less than you deserve.
7. Make up is your friend.
8. Everything comes back to strippers.
9. Size matters.
10. Well-behaved women seldom make history.
11. It’s always a good time to put a fuckboy in his place.
12. You don’t need to buy a whip and a ball gag to keep things spicy in the bedroom.
13. There’s nothing more powerful than a well-aimed crotch shot.
14. If he’s wearing a visor, he’s gonna be too much of a pussy to make the first move.
15. Men like talking to girls with big boobs.
16. You always have to believe in yourself, because the haters are everywhere.
17. Being a sexy bitch is a full time job.
18. Actions speak louder than words.
19. Sometimes less is more.
20. Cooking is not for everybody.
21. There’s no excuse for being boring.
22. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
23. When in doubt, twerk it out.
24. Shit happens.
Don’t you feel more educated now?
About The Author: Maria Pasquini
Maria Pasquini writes about celebrities and makes a lot of jokes. Hopefully you find some of them funny. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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