I Visited Goop’s Own Psychic on the LES & You Can Too

People have a lot of feelings about Gwyneth Paltrow and her lifestyle website that’s turning into an empire, Goop.

In fact, Jezebel just today published an éxposé of sorts that calls Gwynnie out for “profiting from endless illness.”

I don’t know about all that, tbh. It doesn’t seem like Gwyneth’s hurting anyone with her rich-lady wellness suggestions. If you’re gonna take lifestyle advice from someone in this crazy mixed up world, Her Eternally Wrinkle-Free Blondness seems like a good candidate to dish it out.

The women who read Goop are smart enough to navigate the world wellness tips on their own, I’m sure. All the Gwyn hate reminds me of when people insist a woman isn’t being a “good role model,” just because they’re uncomfortable with her behavior and can’t figure out why.

Anyway, that’s how I found myself at a Goop pop-up in NoLiTa today without a hint of irony. I was there to learn all about Goop’s new fragrance, Edition 2 Shiso, and get a psychic reading from a Gwynnie-approved clairvoyant — “goop’s own Intuitive,” as the press release put it.

Said psychic, Maria Papapetros, was clad in pearls, head-to-toe black, and a classic red lip. She told me my career is guaranteed to be lit for life and I’m gonna be spending a lot of time in Paris at some point, so I highly recommend her services. Deets on how you can get a free reading from her at the pop-up tomorrow are at the bottom of this post.

But this reading was just a Trojan horse for the perfume. Editon 2 Shiso was inspired by “early spring in a Japanese forest,” which is just specific enough for me to be convinced they nailed it. The centerpiece is Shiso oil, and the overall vibe is “a spring scent of cool air, pale sun, and new life unfurling on the forest floor.” One sniff of this will have you unfurling your wallet, I’ll tell you that much.

And the pop-up itself was super cute. There were shelves covered in what looked like moss, but it was actually just all of the perfume ingredients in their natural form!

I’m actually obsessed with the scent. It’s like… sexy moss, or time traveling back to Woodstock but with free Veuve Clicquot. It’s like gluten-free Manna from heaven, or a French lady of imperceptible age who doesn’t wear makeup but is still hot as f*ck.

It also has some intense woo-woo powers of its own. Allegedly. I’m told Edition 02 Shiso has the following special abilities:

The Shiso leaf generates bioelectrical energy and manifests sexual attraction and relationships. I’m practically sexually attracted to my own damn self wearing this stuff, so that one’s gotta be true. It’s also supposed to alleviate colds, I’ll let you know on that one in the winter.

The oakmoss encourages creative expression. And I mean, I’m writing this right now, aren’t I?! Seems legit. This ingredient’s supposed to alleviate emotional emergencies and release past wounds and trauma. I’m recovering from all the #FyreFestival social media footage really well today, so I guess that part’s legit too.

READ ALSO: Fyre Festival Has Turned Into a Total Sh*t Show

And finally, the Palo Santo, which is extracted from Bulnesia Sarmientoi Wood Oil, clears negative energy, anger, fear, anxiety and emotional pains. It’s also used in stress reduction. I’m feeling pretty fab and de-stressed today despite the fact that our edit team is totally behind schedule on weekend stories, so do with that what you will.

Also, according to a very fetching neon light hanging on the wall, the fragrance is also supposed to “Fend Off Old Lovers,” and we can all use a little bit of that, right?

Look, we all know none of this woo-woo stuff preached by Goop and its many holistic lifestyle imitators has been like, proven in a lab. But I got a great psychic reading that made me feel like a million bucks and sampled some totally unique perfume that’s been lifting my mood all day. If that’s not good enough for you, what is?

Plebes like you and me can sniff the scent of Gwyneth’s newest parfum and get a free psychic reading from Maria Papapetros at Goop’s Shiso Psychic pop-up on Saturday, April 29, 2017 from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. at 260 Mott St.

Have fun!

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